[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Tiger Mom: “Get into Harvard, then come tell me Happy F#%ing Mother’s Day”

Tiger Moms not impressed by standard Mother’s Day

This mother’s day weekend, Yale Law Professor, Amy Chua, co-author of the well-known book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, is releasing her new book, Tiger Mother’s Day, or, Everyday My Kid’s Not an Idiot, Waste of Space Day.

Mother's DayThe book is already drawing a huge response online and is quickly becoming the number one sought after Mother’s Day gift from kids everywhere, especially guilt-ridden underachievers.

Mrs. Chua attempts to highlight the aspects of an above average, extremely successful Mother’s Day (or Tiger Mom’s Day) and goes on to contend that this kind of day should be a regular occurrence and not an annual “make-up-for-my-failed-existence” kind of thing.

Here are just a couple of nuggets that she has used to help train her own children in understanding the difference:

Mother’s Day: Knitted coffee mug warmer

Tiger Mother’s Day: Knitted coffee mug warmer from home-raised, hand-picked cotton

Mother’s Day: Roses

Tiger Mother’s Day: Genetically altered flowers that withstand radiation

“The idea for this book,” Mrs. Chua revealed, “started out many years ago when my youngest daughter, Lulu (then age five), brought me a watercolor portrait of myself, and I responded like any mother with standards should: “Is this art?  If you call cheap underdeveloped Monet knockoffs art, then yes, I guess it’s Mother’s Day.”

“And now, it seems things are repeating themselves (as I’ve told my girls countless times in our impromptu midnight history lessons).  Lulu came in to tell me that she had been accepted into Yale of all places, and I said, ‘Is that supposed to make me happy?  Didn’t we learn this lesson twelve years ago?”

Mrs. Chua admits that this road isn’t easy and that many parents will encounter failure along the way.  But she encourages them not to give up on their kids the same way they gave up on themselves and their own dreams.

“For all those wannabe tiger moms out there: Your kids don’t have to turn out like you.  Buy my book and give yourself the Mother’s Day you deserve!”

Jeff Boldt