[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Amazing Race to Release ‘Sad Sack Race’ for the Rest of Us

Amazing Race for the un-amazing

The CBS finale of Amazing Race All-Stars 2014 did not disappoint, and the world once again was able to live vicariously through beautiful, (mostly) young, well-toned human beings.

Amazing Race to Release 'Sad Sack Race'However, after going back and reviewing the millions and millions of video submissions from normal, everyday Americans, the producers of the hit show felt that they weren’t accurately reflecting their fan base and were only contributing to the expanding disconnect between reality and reality TV.

“Take this one for instance,” host and producer Phil Keoghan offered.  “This guy’s in his mid to late thirties, probably majored in literature or something, can’t climb an actual staircase much less a corporate one, and so he has to try and win money on reality TV competitions.  It’s sad, really.  But hey, that was the whole idea behind Sad Sacks 2015 — it will be like turning your television into a mirror.”

According to the designers of the race, the challenges, detours, pit stops, and overall difficulty level will be adjusted according to the competitors’ ability.  Furthermore, the trips themselves will be adjusted to meet their level of ethnocentrism (which will probably be high).

For example, instead of making them travel from Paris, France to Athens, Greece they will only have to travel from Paris, Texas to Athens, Georgia.

Local Sad Sack hopeful and longtime Amazing Race fan, Jay Elbee, was asked if he took offense to the new show’s title.

“Hey, I don’t care if they take a dump in a sack and make me carry it around the whole time, it wouldn’t matter after getting the money.”

To which Phil replied, “You know, I think that is one of the detours.”

Jeff Boldt