[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

David Schwimmer Offered Starring Role in Revamped CSI Series

David Schwimmer played Ross Geller on the NBC hit television sitcom Friends

Producers of the CBS hit series CSI: NY, which was cancelled last year, have announced today that they are willing to breathe new life into the show based solely on the heroics of actor David Schwimmer, a resident of New York.

David Schwimmer, MetropolisSchwimmer, known for his role as Ross Geller on the NBC hit television sitcom Friends, was said to be excited about being offered the starring role over Gary Sinese, the former star of CSI: NY just days after news reports indicated he helped NY police solve a real, not televised, stabbing incident in a building adjacent to his.

Schwimmer claims there is a lot you can see from his windows. When asked what, he replied, “Oh you know, hookers, and pimps, drug deals, your everyday stuff. Cute girls heading out in the mornings for bagels and schmear. Regular stuff.”

Schwimmer’s actions did not go unnoticed by the police, the press, or television producers of the CSI series.

Ben Burbank, one of the executive producers of CSI: NY, said his first instinct was let sleeping dogs lie, when told of the stabbing incident and heroics of mild mannered, Ross Geller, er, David Schwimmer. But the more he thought about it, he said, he decided why not bring the CSI:NY series back, call it CSI: Metropolis, and make it a cross between a real crime scene investigative show and add a little Superman touch to it.

Schwimmer says at first he balked at the offer, saying he looked terrible in glasses, but after re-thinking it, said, “What the heck. I’m not doing anything right now,” and latched onto the offer.

Word on the street is that producers are trying to get Jennifer Aniston to sign on as a Lois Lane character in the show, but there is no word yet if she is willing to take the part.

“Having Aniston reprise her role as the love interest of Geller would definitely add something to the new CSI series,” said the show’s official spokesperson.

P. Beckert