[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Austinites Dumbfounded Over Forbes Pick of Washington D.C. as Coolest City

D.C. as “Coolest City”? What does Forbes know about cool, anyway?

Citizens of Austin, Texas are said to be somewhat confused over a new Forbes Magazine article naming Washington, D.C. the coolest city in America. But, true to their calm nature, they are taking the designation in stride.

Austin, coolest city?“Forbes is losing its grip on reality,” said one Austin City dweller, who claims she moved there from Washington specifically to see what it was like to live in a cool college town.

Sienna Torreid, originally born in Washington, D.C., claims growing up in the nation’s capital was a bit like ‘living with your grandfather all the time.’

“I never saw so many old farts in my life,” claims the 27-year old marketing analyst. “The only thing cool about Washington, D.C. is the weather. In fact, it can get downright cold there,” said Torreid.

Torreid is thinking of putting together a petition to get the President to sign an executive order disallowing Forbes to publish inane poll results.

But Austin did make it into the top ten, coming in third just behind Seattle.

“Sure, Seattle, I can believe,” said Torreid. “I mean it is the home of grunge rock. Grunge rock is way cooler than politics,” she concluded, “but not as cool as weird.”

P. Beckert