[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Human Robocall Machine Breaks Down

Woman suffers PST after making thousands of anti-Mitch McConnell robocalls

A California woman is resting comfortably in LA General Hospital after suffering an ailment that until now had only manifested in soldiers fighting in overseas battles.

human robocall machine“She appears to have all the symptoms of battle fatigue,” reports Dr. Euell Dye, the physician who first saw the woman in the emergency room.

“She came in late last night mumbling something about defeating Mitch McConnell, and then went on some sort of rant about snake-oil salesmen, and other odd couplings, leading us to believe she was either psychotic or suffering some sort of head trauma,” he said.

“She kept spelling election, over and over and over again,” said Dr. Dye. “We thought she was just losing her mind.”

Doctors later came up with the post-traumatic stress (PST) diagnosis after studying the symptoms on the Mayo Clinic website and speaking with her husband, who accompanied her to the emergency room.

“It was a real head-scratcher there for a while,” said Dr. Dye, “but all the pieces fell together after I talked with her husband.”

The woman’s husband filled in the pieces by telling the good doctor that his wife became symptomatic during her 5-hour human robocall stint at a local phone bank trying to talk sense into voters in the state of Kentucky.

“At that point, it became a no-brainer,” said Dr. Dye. “The woman was fighting an uphill battle,” he said, adding “no pun intended.”

The woman requested her identity not be revealed for fear of retribution by the GOP, but she did give this statement:

“Hi, my name is mrumphhhmppph and I’m calling on behalf of Move-On.org to urge you not to vote for Mitch McConnell in the upcoming….” at which time the anti-psychotic pills the hospital had her on once again took her literally back to LaLa Land.

P. Beckert