[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Six More Weeks Of Politics?

Health care: Same thing, over and over again

WASHINGTON — Members of the press and public alike have been patiently awaiting the emergence of Donald Trump from the bowels of the White House to provide some semblance of an answer in regards to the current status of repealing The Affordable Care Act.

It is feared that upon surfacing President Trump may see his own shadow and retreat back to the safety of the Oval Office without ever delivering an answer on health care, thus leaving the country with another six weeks of political deliberations.

Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan, is optimistic that the President will stand firm and confidently deliver the answers we have all been waiting to hear.

“It’s cloudy today, so that’s a good thing,” said Ryan. “Rain would have been ideal but that may have sent the wrong message to the American public in regards to the future of our health care system. As of right now I’m thinking no shadow.”

Crowds have begun to gather on the South Lawn of the White House with the hopes of catching a glimpse of the President as he makes his appearance.

“This is our first time at a repealing,” said Tim Horvath, who made the trip from Virginia with his wife, Madeline. “Shadow or no shadow, I’m pretty sure things will be just fine.”

President Trump is hoping for much the same but as of yesterday his political prognostications have been met by nothing short of a deep freeze with both Republicans and Democrats still undecided.

The President, however, is not so concerned. In a recent interview with ABC’s David Muir, he discussed his indomitable knack for bringing the seemingly impossible to fruition.

“Do you know how many of my wives wanted to marry me?” asked Trump. “None. But I made that happen. I’ll make this happen too.”

The Trump administration is equally confident that The American Health Care Act will be successfully passed.

“It may be a dark day weather wise but I’m confident the American people will see the light,” said Speaker Ryan. “Now we just have to hope that the President does not.”

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Patrick Lawlor

Patrick Lawlor is a writer and comedian from New Jersey. He studied improv and sketch comedy writing at the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York.