The Jerry Duncan Show interviews The Three Stooges

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews The Three Stooges

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, live from heaven my guests are The Three Stooges. Welcome Larry, Moe and Curly.

three stoogesLARRY

“Enchanted!”

MOE

“Enraptured!”

CURLY

“Embalmed!”

JERRY

From where you live. What do you think of the president?

MOE

I’m pissed, because he’s stealing our act. People think Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani and Sean Hannity are funnier than us. I heard there is The Three Amigos remake in the works for them.

CURLY

Hotchachachaa.

LARRY

Hey, Jerry. How is Donald Trump like a marshmallow?

JERRY

No clue.

LARRY

He’s easy to roast, a little orange on top, catches on fire easily and will melt under any kind of heat.

Moe slaps Larry across the face.

MOE

Nobody asked for your opinion, Porcupine.

CURLY

Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

MOE

What’s so funny, Muttonhead?

CURLY

Knock, knock!

MOE

Who’s there?

CURLY

Orange.

MOE

Orange who?

CURLY

Orange you glad to see me?

Moe pulls Curly by the nose.

CURLY

Ouch, ouch. I’m sorry, Moe.

JERRY

C’mon, knock it off. We have a serious problem here in the States. Trump is building a border wall to keep out immigrants seeking asylum.

MOE

That’s funny. We’re building a wall up in heaven to keep out Trump.

LARRY

Moe.

MOE

Yes, Porcupine.

LARRY

Where does the tag on your shirt say “made in heaven?”

Moe hits Larry over the head with his fist.

MOE

Keep sewing. I got a date tonight with Marilyn Monroe.

CURLY

I like heavenly bodies. Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.

JERRY

The Mueller investigation of Trump is getting closer to the White House. Can you ask the Lord what’s up with that? Everyone is anxious.

CURLY

Hold that thought. There’s a beautiful woman next to me who just got her angel wings.

CURLY

Hey, toots. Let’s play post office.

WOMAN

That’s a kids game.

CURLY

Not the way I play it.

She slaps Curly across the face.

CURLY

You got some noive!

MOE

Jerry. I just finished having coffee with Albert Einstein. He almost lost his mind when I told him that Trump thought Einstein Bros. Bagels sucked. But he has a theory.

JERRY

What is it?

MOE

Suggest to Sara Huckabee Sanders that she pull Mike Pence’s finger, then pull Trump’s finger. It should let out the fart gas before they both explode.

CURLY

Poifect.

JERRY

Did you fellas really make 190 Three Stooges shorts?

MOE

We did. Had a contract with Columbia Pictures for decades.

LARRY

And never got a raise!

CURLY

Yeah. Harry Cohn, the head of Columbia Pictures lied every year and told us our shorts weren’t doing that well at the movie theaters. Rrrowf! Rrrowf!

MOE

Well, we got even when the three of us landed in heaven. Larry had a brilliant idea. We kidnapped Harry and had one of the angels deliver him to hell.

MOE

You know, Larry. You’re a pretty smart ignoramus.

LARRY

Thank you.

JERRY

No news from heaven and the thought we might be stuck with Trump for another two years?

MOE

Hang in there, wise guy. Just got this bulletin from the Lord.

JERRY

What does it say?

MOE

Make that six years of Trump. Man, the Lord does work in mysterious ways.

JERRY

There must be a typo. I’m sure He or She meant six days or six months.

MOE

Gotta run. We’re headlining the Angel Ball with Frank Sinatra and his Rat Pack.

CURLY

Those dirty Rats.

MOE

Pick two.

Curly points to Moe’s fingers and he sticks them in Curly’s eyes.

MOE

You knucklehead.

JERRY

I’m depressed. See you tomorrow everyone.

 

 

 

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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