Horoscopes for Jerks: August, 2018

What’s your sign? Check out your Funny Horoscope August 2018, and the outlook for all those jerks you know, right here!

What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you! And you could be wrong. Just in case, here’s your Funny Horoscope August 2018. Be sure to share your friends’ snarky outlooks with them, too!

Zodiac_01-Aries Aries: Just because you think you know how to do something fairly well doesn’t mean you’re also qualified to teach it or lead it.
Zodiac_02-Taurus Taurus: Your innate sensuality should not involve touching others without permission any more than an “offensive” gaze should involve the “me-too” movement.
Zodiac_03-Gemini Gemini: Smile charmingly and keep things on the surface, while finding out everything you want to know. After all, Marilyn Monroe was a Twin sign.
Zodiac_04-Cancer Cancer: Make a lifestyle change for better health now, else you might wind-up looking like Trump on a taco diet by Thanksgiving.
Zodiac_05-Leo" Leo: Happy Birthday prideful Lions! Don’t let just anyone pull your tail and call you kitty!
Zodiac_06-Virgo" Virgo: The only thing worse than an imbalanced Virgin is one with a political agenda.
Zodiac_07-Libra" Libra: : You can only balance things to the extent you don’t white lie to keep the peace… They’re still called lies for a reason.
Zodiac_08-Scorpio Scorpio: Stay away from anyone who is sun sign Leo. If you’re married to one, file for divorce. Like celebrity awards, pride and deception just don’t mix.
Zodiac_09-Sag Sagittarius: This month, the New Moon encourages you to try something new – with your clothes on. After all, a selfie sent to a stranger can end-up super bad.
Zodiac_10-Cap Capricorn: Goats and Conservatives are quite similar: they both seem stable until they open their mouths and show their creepy eyes.
Zodiac_11-Aquarius Aquarius: The beautiful distraction you crave is art; the media you ingest is shit.
Zodiac_12-Pisces Pisces: : You are the deepest, most sensitive and compassionate of all the signs. The Clown Killer was also a Fish sign.

zodiac, horoscope August 2018, signs

zodiac, horoscope August 2018, signs
Mosaic pavement of a 6th century synagogue at Beth Alpha, Jezreel Valley, northern Israel. It was discovered in 1928. Signs of the zodiac surround the central chariot of the Sun (a Greek motif), while the corners depict the 4 “turning points” (“tekufot”) of the year, solstices and equinoxes, each named for the month in which it occurs. Enjoy this Funny Horoscope August 2018, and please share!
Jennifer Hollie Bowles
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