What’s your sign? Check out your Funny Horoscope August 2018, and the outlook for all those jerks you know, right here!
What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you! And you could be wrong. Just in case, here’s your Funny Horoscope August 2018. Be sure to share your friends’ snarky outlooks with them, too!
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Aries: Just because you think you know how to do something fairly well doesn’t mean you’re also qualified to teach it or lead it. |
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Taurus: Your innate sensuality should not involve touching others without permission any more than an “offensive” gaze should involve the “me-too” movement. |
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Gemini: Smile charmingly and keep things on the surface, while finding out everything you want to know. After all, Marilyn Monroe was a Twin sign. |
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Cancer: Make a lifestyle change for better health now, else you might wind-up looking like Trump on a taco diet by Thanksgiving. |
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Leo: Happy Birthday prideful Lions! Don’t let just anyone pull your tail and call you kitty! |
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Virgo: The only thing worse than an imbalanced Virgin is one with a political agenda. |
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Libra: : You can only balance things to the extent you don’t white lie to keep the peace… They’re still called lies for a reason. |
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Scorpio: Stay away from anyone who is sun sign Leo. If you’re married to one, file for divorce. Like celebrity awards, pride and deception just don’t mix. |
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Sagittarius: This month, the New Moon encourages you to try something new – with your clothes on. After all, a selfie sent to a stranger can end-up super bad. |
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Capricorn: Goats and Conservatives are quite similar: they both seem stable until they open their mouths and show their creepy eyes. |
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Aquarius: The beautiful distraction you crave is art; the media you ingest is shit. |
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Pisces: : You are the deepest, most sensitive and compassionate of all the signs. The Clown Killer was also a Fish sign. |
Jennifer Hollie Bowles is a writer and small business owner.She has been studying Astrology for about twenty years, but she finds limiting it to sun signs quite humorous.
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