Now That Medical Pot Shops Aren’t Needed Any More, Everyone’s Healthy!

Medical pot shops face tough times now that the stuff is legal.

My, my! How things change! Medical pot shops, the place to go for those who needed pain relief and for those pretenders who just needed relief from the pain of reality, are now getting bitten by the dream they once had — that pot would be uninhibitedly legal. The state of Colorado was one of the first to legalize the bad-assed weed for domestic use and the medical pot outlets are crying over it.

Medical pot shops face tough timesThe city of Colorado Springs, one of the largest cities in Colorado at 464,000, has banned recreational marijuana totally. The reasoning is because of health (the exact opposite of what the med pot places are claiming) and because of the five military bases there (Can’t have people with guns smokin’ that jobee stuff now! No telling who they might shoot. Don’t let the NRA hear about that otherwise they might be wanting it legal after all!)

That doesn’t stop there from being 128 MEDICAL marijuana shops in town though (128!!! more than just a few people have found someone to make them a fake prescription!) However, together they only do about half the business that the two shops just outside the county line in Manitou Springs does through only two stores (only two stores!!!)

Manitou, a small tourist town, has managed to put in a whole new internet cable system and pay of other bills just through the revenue it receives from all the heads coming up from the Springs to get their holy high. “We just can’t compete!” whimpers shop owner Grateful Dredd, a White Rasta who runs Holy Smokes!, one of the ubiquitous pharmaceutical dispensaries in the city. “Those guys up there have an unfair advantage!”

“It also doesn’t help when you have gonzos for employees! We try to appear genuinely medical, but it falls apart when half our staff has the apron on backwards and the surgical mask over their ear instead of their mouth. Latex gloves with only two out of five fingers inserted properly doesn’t cut it either.”

Rat Fink. Medical pot shops.

“We’re trying to identify ourselves as legitimate medical facility to the public, but that is hard to pull off when the floor is littered with doobie remnants scattered all over. It makes us look like a cheap Tijuana whorehouse instead!”

“It’s embarrassing when you have government inspectors come in and you can’t find anyone to show them around who isn’t half blitzed and whose eyes aren’t bloated and red shot to the point that they look like the Rat Fink doll from the ’60’s!”

“Our people come in so stoned they can’t even punch in right! Now that pot is legalized for everyone we have to work twice as hard to convince people we are better. Tell me, have you ever tried to convince a pot head that something more expensive is better? It is like talking to a three year old. Sometimes I think it would be easier working for the cartels. At least those boys don’t use their own product and can think straight, even if it is on how to be more conniving and violent,”

Dredd stopped at that point to take in air. “Damn, I need a hit!” he started looking about. He left to get something and never came back which is why this interview is so short.

NOTE: The basic information in this article is true and taken from an NPR (Colorado Public Radio — CPR) segment.

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Roger Freed
rfreed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor.