The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe
President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are President Donald Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe.

JERRY

Good morning, Prime Minister Abe.

JAPANESE PRIME MINISTER SHINZO ABE

Nice be on show.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

After spending two days in Tokyo and seeing how bad the Japanese drive, I’m starting to think Pearl Harbor was an accident.

ABE

Trumpster right, Duncan. Pilots high on sake.

TRUMP

(jokes) They were bombed.

JERRY

Tell me. What did your meetings produce?

ABE

Nothing really. I upset Kim Jong-un fire missiles near Japan. Trumpster say not worry.

TRUMP

Hey. As long as they can’t reach my golf courses everything is fine.

ABE

What about my golf courses? Missiles will destroy.

TRUMP

So what? You’ll still have saunas. Those hot geisha girls make Stormy Daniels look like road kill.

JERRY

You didn’t answer my question.

TRUMP

We agreed to reduce our trade deficit with Japan and remove trade barriers. There. Are you happy?

JERRY

Abe said nothing accomplished.

TRUMP

Fake news.

JERRY

You upset Abe. Kim’s missiles are a threat to Japan. And 10,000 American troops stationed in South Korea are in harms way.

TRUMP

I trust him. In fact we exchange love letters all the time. Would you like me to read a couple?

JERRY

By all means.

TRUMP

I wrote this gem.

(reads letter) You melt me like diarrhea in my pants. You make my brain stupid and give me heartburn. I wish you were never born.

All My Worst, Donald.

TRUMP

Here’s Kim’s reply.

(reads the letter with accent) You love me, even though I fat and ugly. You head so HUGE, it knock down missiles. Bad. Very bad.

Insincerely, Kim

JERRY

Why do you continue to defend dictators and tyrants, yet level a personal attack against Vice President Joe Biden on foreign soil?

TRUMP

Because in my brilliant mind Kim did not violate U.N. Resolutions when he fired short range missiles. Biden violated the rule of decency when he said I prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants.

JERRY

Do you?

TRUMP

Of course I do. E.T. eventually went home.

JERRY

Your own National Security Advisor John Bolton disagrees with you about Kim and said so publicly.

TRUMP

John’s mustache misspoke. Don’t you think that thing looks like a caterpillar stuck on his lip?

JERRY

Prime Minister Abe. What words of wisdom can you expound upon us?

ABE

Man who pee on electric fence receive shocking news.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.