No Touching Please

The best way to stop the spread of the coronavirus is to practice social distancing, so, unfortunately, no touching please!

We now know that the best way to stop the spread of the coronavirus is to practice social distancing. That means that we should stay at least six feet away from each other. But it’s hard for us to keep our distance from our fellow Americans. We want to be near each other. We like to touch one another. And I don’t mean in an inappropriate way, like what was described on the Access Hollywood tape. I mean we like to shake hands and we want to slap each other on the back (or on the face). And we yearn to hug one another. Boy do we like to hug!

No Touching PleaseIt used to be that you only embraced family members or very close friends. But now it seems that we have been hugging people that we barely know. It can be uncomfortable because you’re never sure what the other person wants or expects. It is especially awkward when two guys get together. Do you fist bump, shake hands, do a half hug with a pat on the back, or do you go in for the full bear hug? And rest assured that the two of you won’t be on the same page.

We even have national holidays dedicated to touching and embracing each other. Take for example January 21st, which is National Hug Day. On that day you are supposed to go around hugging everyone, including strangers. They say it nurtures human relationships. I think it’s more likely to nurture lawsuits and spread cooties.

No one knows how or when the coronavirus began to spread in the United States but it may have started after National Hug Day which occurred before we learned about social distancing. Most humans need a hug every so often but rather than embracing everyone as we did in January, we should now confine our hugging to Hug Your Dog Day (April 10) and Hug Your Cat Day (June 4) and Hug Your Kid Day (July 20) while wearing masks of course.

Cases of coronavirus really shot up in March and April and “touching” holidays may have been the culprit again. In those months we had:

  • Hug a G.I. Day – March 4
  • Hug a Newsman Day – April 4
  • National Slap Day- April 13
  • High Five Day – April 21 and
  • Hug an Australian Day – April 26

All these days involved significant touching when we should have been keeping our distance.

There are more holidays coming up in the next two months that should cause concern as well, such as National Handshake Day on June 25 and National Kissing Day on July 6. There is also another Hug Holiday on June 29. This one was created to encourage giving squeezes to those who really need it, especially the sick and the elderly. However, these days someone arriving at a nursing home or a hospital to give out hugs would be as welcome as Nancy Pelosi at a Trump rally.

President Trump needs to sign an executive order canceling these upcoming observances. Then he should sign another order making Hand Hygiene Day (October 15) and National Mask Day (December 20) holidays every day until the pandemic is over. In the meantime, No Touching Please.

And until the pandemic is beaten, I declare every day to be National Wine Day.

JC Wade
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