[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Donald Trump to Divorce Melania, Elope with Nancy Pelosi

Intercepted communique reveals president’s plans to elope with Nancy Pelosi.

An intercepted communique from the Schnotzelvakain Secret Service revealed a scenario in which current United States President Donald Trump is planning to divorce his wife Melania and elope to Schnotzelvakia with political rival and secret squeeze Nancy Pelosi.

Donald Trump, Nancy Pelosi elopePlans call for the President and Mrs. Pelosi to secretly fly from Dubuque, Iowa to the famed resort city of Rhoxxbhutty, Schnotzelvakia. Dubuque was chosen because there is a feeling that the American Secret Service was unaware that it existed.

Once on Schnotzelvakian soil, Mr. Trump and Mrs. Pelosi would obtain quickie Schnotzelvakian divorces and then be married by the Chaplain of the Schnotzelvakian Horse Hockey League. Plans say that the couple would then engage in the ancient Schnotzelvakian wedding ritual, the dung bath, before honeymooning.

Plans also call for Mr. Trump to leave his good buddy and best man Vladimir Putin in charge of the U.S. Government while he is away.

This article is part of the “Dispatches from SNN” (Slobovian News Network) series.

SNN is currently working on the following stories:

  • Bill Cosby to be Charged in Rape of the Sabine Women
  • Remains of Cleopatra’s Asp Found
  • Elvis Found Alive and Working in a Donut Shop in NJ
  • Carona Virus Caused by Having Sex and Constantly Diddling with Cell Phones

Current Job Openings at SNN:

  • Assistant Forensic Crapologist
  • Theoretical Bullshitist
  • Situational Liars
  • Garldarn Liars
Ted Holland