Arabella’s Dictionary: Hilarious Politics

More daft dictionary definitions from Arabella: Hilarious Politics.

Bipolitical (bii-po-lit-e-kul): A person who is bipolitical wears a rainbow-colored Trump hat and screams from the sidewalk about animal rights while holding up an anti-abortion sign.

hilarious politics
Bluebeam.

Bluebeam (bloo-beem): When a child in a third world country who is covered in soot and forced to work 18 hours a day at a black oxide factory manages to smile, that sad grin is called a bluebeam. Bluebeams show the world clearly, through both compunction and concordance, how the divine feels about child slavery.  And so, through karmic ramifications and bursts of inexplicable compassion, the planet learns how to treat its children.

Cavide (kuh-vid): Small town in New Hampshire. Nobody ever watches the news in Cavide, and Republicans can still be found playing cards till dawn and walking arm in arm down the street with their Democratic honey-bunches, unaffected by a world that is systematically going beserk.

Cavide, hilarious politics
Harmony in Cavide.

Eylion (ee-lei-on): Persian hero. An Eylion peacefully protests a fascist, murderous regime with kind smiles and gentle signs that say ‘Please go, Mullah!’ In return for this non-violent crap, the murderous regime imprisons, tortures and kills the valiant Eylions. 

Guvluv (Ghuv-luv): Respect for elected officials. Even though this concept does exist, its execution is extinct.

Hupher (huu-fer): A hupher is someone who is willing to go beyond the grave to pursue his perceived political enemies.  John the hupher hates his neighbor Mabel for her stupid stance on world peace. After she dies of a heart attack he attends her funeral and, as her casket is peacefully laid into the ground, whips out the heartless and uproarious phrase “I’m so glad Mabel died. That’s one less vote for the opposition!”

Lortyx (lor-tiks): Hailing from one of Jupiter’s moons, lortyx is an energy source that the powers that be refuse to acknowledge even exists, because it renders oil, coal and gas obsolete.

Lortyx.

Newsdoll: Lil guy that looks good on camera, but has no important information to tell the world. The newsdoll is hired by news stations to speak with a voice of empty gravity while delivering afactual reports to the viewers. Newsdolls excel at jumping around and delivering impassioned reports about how incensed they are about absolutely nothing.

Recession-secession: A recession-secession is an economic meltdown brought on by the government. The authors of this fake depression hope it will cause its citizens to vote in a certain way, think in a certain way and behave in a certain way. But, financial manipulation has historically caused the victims of the game-playing regime to secede and start anew, and recession-secessions are, in the end, remembered for their heroic underdogs and revolutionary resisters.

Andrea Bock

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