[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Surprise Group Endorses Trump Reelection Bid

Group of comedy luminaries endorses Trump, standing in solidarity.

HOLLYWOOD, CA — They say that politics makes for strange bedfellows, but perhaps none stranger than the group of entertainers who convened a press conference yesterday afternoon in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and its “Walk of Fame.” With more than two dozen comedy luminaries standing in solidarity alongside an unmasked Mike Pence, Comedic Actors and Writers Guild spokesperson Jimmy Kimmel offered the group’s full-throated endorsement of Donald Trump’s reelection campaign.

jimmy kimmel endorses Trump
Jimmy Kimmel endorses Trump in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre.

“The last three and a half years have been a breeze for comedy writers. When my team sits down in the morning, they just fire up Donald’s twitter feed and the monologue writes itself, usually within 15 minutes, max,” opined Kimmel. “The prospect of having to actually create gut-busting bits for the next four years without Trump’s daily rantings is not something we look forward to. Just too much work, even though Biden’s frequent gaffes would be a considerable comedic vein to mine should Trump go down bigly.”

Vice president Pence then stepped forward to express the Trump campaign’s pleasure at having the backing of such a talented and distinguished group. “Mother is a huge fan of all the late-night hosts,” he gushed. “Why, just last night,” he continued, “she was talking about how Carnac the Magnificent cracks her up every time. She’s also a huge fan of that guy with the big chin, although she’s concerned about his political leanings given his Massachusetts roots.”

The vice president then reached into his pocket and pulled out a smart phone to read his boss’s latest tweet on the CAWG’s announcement, which said, “Leftie comics favor me over Sleepy Joe, BIG TIME! I’m the FUNNEST president EVER!! A terrific JOKE!!!!”

The Biden campaign was unavailable for immediate comment, although in a hastily called Zoom press briefing later that night, Biden did promise that his ramblings would continue to be a rich source of boners and bloopers. “I can assure the diverse, comedic community that I will provide bushels full of material that will be fodder for many hearty guffaws. Or, as the young kids say, ‘Hello L,’ whatever that means.”

Overnight polls show a slight preference among registered voters for four years of Biden bloopers over Trumpian tantrums, 24 to 19, with 57 percent yearning for Obama to return to the White House.

Rick Blum

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