Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Texas U.S. Congressman Joaquin Castro.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll see. Today on the show my guest is U.S. Congressman Joaquin Castro from the great state of Texas.
JERRY
Good morning, Congressman Castro.
JOAQUIN CASTRO
Que pasa?
JERRY
Taco Bell, Si Senor.
JERRY
You really stepped up to the plate in the Senate Impeachment Trial of Donald Trump.
CASTRO
I hit a home run. For 6 months, Trump told his mobs that the system was rigged if he didn’t win the election. And he lost. Then on January 6, domestic terrorists stormed the capitol on Trump’s orders. Myself and fellow House Impeachment Managers proved it.
JERRY
So what? He walked without being convicted.
CASTRO
Crime may not pay, but the attorney fees are great.
JERRY
You’re 47 years old and graduated from Harvard Law School. So did your twin brother Julian. Where does the smarts come from?
CASTRO
My father. He’s a retired math teacher in San Antonio. A proud Mexican-American.
JERRY
I was wondering. How do Mexicans feel about Trump’s wall?
CASTRO
They’ll get over it.
JERRY
You grew up in San Antonio. Your brother Juan was the mayor there for five years. What is it about San Antonio that’s so great?
CASTRO
It’s the headquarters for Church’s Chicken.
JERRY
Now I know why the chicken couldn’t cross the road.
CASTRO
You should taste their Jalapeno Cheese Bombers. Eating them is a blast from the past. I’ll spare the details.
JERRY
Yeah, but let’s face it. There’s nothing to do in San Antonio.
CASTRO
You can visit the Alamo. You know the story. Right?
JERRY
Yeah. Mexican troops were trying to overrun the Alamo. The Texans defending it were outnumbered, but Davy Crockett saved the day with a hit television series.
CASTRO
Where did you hear that?
JERRY
On Hannity.
CASTRO
I’m sorry. Did I roll my eyeballs out loud?
JERRY
Just a second. There’s a call coming in from Texas Senator Ted Cruz.
JERRY
Cruzter. Speak louder. I can hardly hear you.
TED CRUZ
I’m in the restroom at the Houston airport. Just landed from Cancun.
JERRY
Yeah. Everybody knows you fled Houston when everything froze over. You coward!
CRUZ
Wait a second. I sent Heidi and kids to Mexico out of the goodness of my heart. My kids needed to see me. They were bored throwing darts at my picture.
JERRY
You were shamed by your constituents that’s why you returned. 13 million Texans were freezing with little shelter or water. Some died.
CRUZ
I was thinking about Texas at the resort while I was in the jacuzzi. Just ask Fox News.
JERRY
Screw you, Lyin Ted. I have Joaquin Castro on the line.
CASTRO
Hey, Hombre. While I helped citizens in San Antonio, you were living it up in Cancun. You should be removed from office.
CRUZ
The only way I’m leaving is if Donald Trump shoots me in the middle of 5th Avenue.
JERRY
He’s restless. You just gave him an idea.
CRUZ
I gotta go. The FBI found a hiding place for me. Tell Congressman Castro, I still think Fidel is his real father.
CASTRO
Cruz. Trump said your dad was a friend of Kennedy assassin Lee Harvey Oswald. This is the one time I believe him.
CRUZ
Saddle your ass and get out of Texas.
CASTRO
You want to run for president in 2024? Now Carnival isn’t the most dangerous cruise.
JERRY
Good-bye. As they say in Texas, “Oils well that ends well.”
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