Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host previews bits of “A Bit of Biden.”
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. For the past 5 months, I have enjoyed reading A Bit of Biden on Instagram @abitofbiden.
So for your enjoyment, my show today will feature funny bits from A Bit of Biden.
Here we go with Joe.
JOE BIDEN: BOOKS
Folks. Nothing more satisfying than reading a good book. A book is how we learn things. It expands our mind and vocabulary. The benefits of reading are many. Cognitive mental stimulation and brain exercising, stress and tension relief, helps with depression. On a sad note, my friend Peter had his dictionary stolen. He’s at a loss for words.
JOE BIDEN: PERSONAL TRAINER
Folks. A personal trainer is an individual who has earned a certification that demonstrates they have achieved a level of competency for creating and delivering safe and effective exercise programs. For example: movement, flexibility, balance, and muscular fitness. The other day, I asked my personal trainer if he could teach me the splits. “How flexible are you?” He asked. I said, “Any days except Wednesday and Friday.”
JOE BIDEN: MEMORY
Memory is the faculty of the brain which data or information is stored or retrieved when needed. My favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles at the beach with my grandmother. Such a beautiful experience. That is until my mom took the urn from me. I’m serious, folks.
JOE BIDEN: NEIGHBORS
Here’s the deal. A neighbor is a person who lives nearby, normally in a house or apartment. Some people form friendships with their neighbors. Sharing tools or giving them a helping hand. When I was a young boy in Scranton, my dad told me to “Love Thy Neighbor.” Thanks to him. I had a helluva lot of girlfriends in the neighborhood.
JOE BIDEN: PIE
Folks. Here’s the deal. I love pie. A pie is baked in a dish, which is usually made of a pastry dough casing that contains a filling of various sweet or savory ingredients. Sweet pies filled with fruit like apple, nuts like pecan, cream pies like banana. There’s even a pot pie filled with meat and vegetables. And my favorite. A fruit pie with peach called a cobbler. Do you know the difference between a pie and a cobbler? One’s a dessert and the other makes shoes.
JOE BIDEN: GRADUATION
Folks. Completing school is referred to as graduation. There is graduation from elementary school, junior high, senior high and college. There’s even preschool graduation. And here I thought graduation was going from Huggies to Mickey and Minnie Mouse undies. Some people don’t graduate. That’s a shame. I knew this kid named Billy from Scranton, who flunked out of junior high. He said, “My dad is from Iceland and my mom is from Cuba. I guess I’m an ice cube.” I said, “Actually Billy, you’re a vegetable.”
JOE BIDEN: TAKING A BREAK
Here’s the deal. Studies have shown that taking time away from the job can have physical and mental health benefits. People who take vacations have lower stress, less risk of heart disease, a better outlook of life, and more motivation to achieve goals. Snowbirds travel to Florida in the winter to play golf and tennis. Arizonans beat the summer heat and go to the beach in California. And me? Jill and I go to our beach house in Delaware. I enjoy bike riding and “happy hour” afterwards. But it’s not what you think, folks. When you get to be my age, “happy hour” is a nap. I got to give props to Rip Van Winkle.
JOE BIDEN: RINGS
Folks. Let me tell you about rings. They’re a small circular band, typically of precious metal and often set with one or more gemstones like diamonds. Worn on a finger as a token of marriage, an engagement or authority. But they can also be worn on a nose or toe. There is even a ring around a bathtub for slobs who never clean their house. The other night my wife Jill asked me for “something with diamonds.” She deserves it, so I gave her a deck of playing cards.
JOE BIDEN: WATCHES
Here’s the deal. It’s cool to wear a watch. There are many kinds that are affordable. You can purchase a Timex for $36. Or you can spend more and buy an Apple Watch 6 for $550. Time is money. We need to know what time to get to school or work. We all have a relationship with time. That’s what a watch is for. The other day my wife was grading college papers. I asked Jill why her watch was under her desk. She said, “Joe. I’m working over time.”
As Porky Pig would say, “Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The,Th-Th… That’s all folks!”
See you tomorrow.
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