The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and Former President Donald Trump

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and former President Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY DUNCAN

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? I doubt it. Today on the show my guests are Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and former President Donald Trump.

Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley by Gage Skidmore
Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley. Photo: Gage Skidmore, flickr.com.

DONALD TRUMP

Fake news. I’m the real President, Duncan.

JERRY

Right. And I’m Abe Lincoln.

TRUMP

That’s right. The same dope that asked actor John Wilkes Booth for a head shot before the play started at Ford’s Theater.

TRUMP

2020 was a rigged election. Rigged election.

IOWA SENATOR CHUCK GRASSLEY

What about an erection?

JERRY

Turn up your hearing aid, Pops. You wouldn’t know one if it was dangling in front of your face.

JERRY

President Trump. You recently endorsed the Senator at a rally in Iowa for his 2022 run. But he voted to certify the election for Joe Biden. That doesn’t make sense in your convoluted logic.

GRASSLEY

I’ll answer that question, Duncan. President Trump can depend on me.

TRUMP

One thing Grassley knows about is Depend. In fact, I bought a pack of those diapers at Costco. Here you go, Grassley. Enjoy.

GRASSLEY

Thank you, Sir. I’ll make good use of these.

JERRY

Senator. You’re 88 years old. First year in office was 1980. Why are you running for the Senate again?

GRASSLEY

I’m an old farmer. With all our corn, I want Iowa to be the largest producer of Ethanol.  But more important, I want to make the Democrats a minority in the 2022 Senate.

TRUMP

His win is going to be HUGE.

GRASSLEY

I’ve got the secret.

JERRY

What is the secret?

GRASSLEY

We don’t tell secrets on the farm. The potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.

JERRY

Trumpster. You’ve been accused of inciting the January 6 Insurrection on our Capitol.

TRUMP

I won by a landslide. I won’t concede.

JERRY

That’s not what happened. You knew the votes for Biden being President would be certified January 6. On that day, you held a “Save America” gathering near the Capitol.

TRUMP

I don’t recall.

JERRY

Let me take you down memory lane. You told your peeps to move over to the Capitol and make their voices heard. That they should follow you.

TRUMP

I don’t know. Perhaps these patriotic Americans got lost and went inside the Capitol to ask directions. Nobody had GPS.

TRUMP

Before I forget, I’d like to say something to former Raiders football coach Jon Gruden. You are racist, anti-LBGTQ and misogynistic. Welcome to Team Trump 2024.

JERRY

Many experts say 100,000 people died unnecessarily from COVID during your last year in office. That you downplayed the virus. Denied the science.

TRUMP

I’m a very stable genius. The doctors should have listened to me and injected household cleaners into COVID patient’s veins. Thousands would have been saved.

JERRY

You’re an idiot.

JERRY

Senator. Isn’t it true when Ronald Reagan was President, you accused him of being “asleep at the switch” and terribly lucky for 7 years in economics and foreign policy?

GRASSLEY

Looking back, maybe I was jealous because Reagan was good looking, kind, and smiled a lot. It’s not in my DNA. I’m Scrooge, not Mister Rogers. Bah humbug!

JERRY

Hey, Chuckles. What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?

GRASSLEY

I don’t know.

JERRY

Born in the USDA.

TRUMP

I know the guy. He has the Vitamin E Band.

JERRY

See you tomorrow.

 

The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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