Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and former President Donald Trump.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? I doubt it. Today on the show my guests are Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley and former President Donald Trump.
DONALD TRUMP
Fake news. I’m the real President, Duncan.
JERRY
Right. And I’m Abe Lincoln.
TRUMP
That’s right. The same dope that asked actor John Wilkes Booth for a head shot before the play started at Ford’s Theater.
TRUMP
2020 was a rigged election. Rigged election.
IOWA SENATOR CHUCK GRASSLEY
What about an erection?
JERRY
Turn up your hearing aid, Pops. You wouldn’t know one if it was dangling in front of your face.
JERRY
President Trump. You recently endorsed the Senator at a rally in Iowa for his 2022 run. But he voted to certify the election for Joe Biden. That doesn’t make sense in your convoluted logic.
GRASSLEY
I’ll answer that question, Duncan. President Trump can depend on me.
TRUMP
One thing Grassley knows about is Depend. In fact, I bought a pack of those diapers at Costco. Here you go, Grassley. Enjoy.
GRASSLEY
Thank you, Sir. I’ll make good use of these.
JERRY
Senator. You’re 88 years old. First year in office was 1980. Why are you running for the Senate again?
GRASSLEY
I’m an old farmer. With all our corn, I want Iowa to be the largest producer of Ethanol. But more important, I want to make the Democrats a minority in the 2022 Senate.
TRUMP
His win is going to be HUGE.
GRASSLEY
I’ve got the secret.
JERRY
What is the secret?
GRASSLEY
We don’t tell secrets on the farm. The potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears.
JERRY
Trumpster. You’ve been accused of inciting the January 6 Insurrection on our Capitol.
TRUMP
I won by a landslide. I won’t concede.
JERRY
That’s not what happened. You knew the votes for Biden being President would be certified January 6. On that day, you held a “Save America” gathering near the Capitol.
TRUMP
I don’t recall.
JERRY
Let me take you down memory lane. You told your peeps to move over to the Capitol and make their voices heard. That they should follow you.
TRUMP
I don’t know. Perhaps these patriotic Americans got lost and went inside the Capitol to ask directions. Nobody had GPS.
TRUMP
Before I forget, I’d like to say something to former Raiders football coach Jon Gruden. You are racist, anti-LBGTQ and misogynistic. Welcome to Team Trump 2024.
JERRY
Many experts say 100,000 people died unnecessarily from COVID during your last year in office. That you downplayed the virus. Denied the science.
TRUMP
I’m a very stable genius. The doctors should have listened to me and injected household cleaners into COVID patient’s veins. Thousands would have been saved.
JERRY
You’re an idiot.
JERRY
Senator. Isn’t it true when Ronald Reagan was President, you accused him of being “asleep at the switch” and terribly lucky for 7 years in economics and foreign policy?
GRASSLEY
Looking back, maybe I was jealous because Reagan was good looking, kind, and smiled a lot. It’s not in my DNA. I’m Scrooge, not Mister Rogers. Bah humbug!
JERRY
Hey, Chuckles. What is a farmer’s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?
GRASSLEY
I don’t know.
JERRY
Born in the USDA.
TRUMP
I know the guy. He has the Vitamin E Band.
JERRY
See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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