Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the former Governor of Alaska, Sarah Palin.
ANNOUNCER
From under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is the former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin. Compared to a moose, Sarah ranks lower in intelligence.
FORMER GOVERNOR OF ALASKA SARAH PALIN
(shouting) Duncan, I’m going to load my trusty rifle and fill your rear end with buckshot!
JERRY
Here’s a sedative to calm you down, Governor.
PALIN
I need it. Man, you’re meaner than me.
JERRY
Long time, no see. What have you been up to since you were on the show two years ago?
PALIN
Well. I divorced my husband Todd.
JERRY
Why?
PALIN
We were incombustible. Always fightin.
JERRY
Are you dating?
PALIN
Oh, ya. Remember Joe Six Pack who helped my campaign when I was runnin with Senator John McCain in the 2008 presidential election?
JERRY
Not that doofus.
PALIN
Yep. I got a six pack for my husband Todd. Best trade I ever made.
JERRY
C’mon. You gave up being a housewife to be elected mayor of Wasilla in 1996.
PALIN
True. Ya know, one of the first things I did was get rid of the new library.
JERRY
Aren’t books used to enlighten our minds?
PALIN
That’s why we have Fox News. No need to waste money.
JERRY
You had a bigger political ambition. In 2006, you became the Governor of Alaska.
PALIN
Yep. Drill, baby, drill.
JERRY
That causes Climate Change according to most scientists.
PALIN
Tom Cruise is a scientist, so is John Travolta. They’re stupid. The more ice that melts, the easier it is for me to keep an eye on the Russkies. Or is it the Taliban? I get them people mixed up.
JERRY
You’re speaking to me from New York City. Right?
PALIN
You betcha.
JERRY
Do you know why Eve left Adam and moved to New York City?
PALIN
No.
JERRY
She fell for the Big Apple.
PALIN
Cool.
JERRY
I understand you’re in New York City, because you are suing the New York Times. Kind of strange since you don’t read.
PALIN
The Times damaged my reputation, Duncan. That’s what a lawyer told me from Jacoby and Meyers. I picked them after binge watching reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Very informative show. Did you now Kim Kardashian got COVID because the virus doesn’t die on plastic?
JERRY
You have COVID.
PALIN
Yep. But I won’t get vaccinated. It could ruin my mind.
JERRY
What do you got to lose? You’re already out of your mind.
JERRY
Tell me. Why are you suing the Times?
PALIN
An editorial appeared in their paper in 2011, which linked me to the mass shooting in Tucson, Arizona of Congresswoman Gabby Giffords.
JERRY
Explain.
PALIN
In 2010, my PAC, you know Pac-Man?
JERRY
Should I commit suicide on the air or wait?
PALIN
Wait, you betcha. Let me explain. My PAC put out an advertisement that showed Giffords and other Democrats in Congress in the crosshairs of my rifle. It’s not true.
JERRY
It is true. I saw the ad.
PALIN
No, Duncan. I use a bow and arrow when I hunt Dems. That was my daughter Bristol.
JERRY
Here’s the deal, Knucklehead. The Supreme Court ruled the publisher of a damaging report must have acted with actual malice by either knowing the information was false or displaying a reckless disregard for the truth.
PALIN
Speak to me in English. I don’t understand Dr. Seuss.
JERRY
In other words. you don’t have a case.
PALIN
Gee. I feel stupid.
JERRY
That’s the smartest thing you’ve said all day. Sarah Palin everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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