[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Karl Rove is tired of playing nice guy. In fact, those closest to him know that he reached his limit with Mitt Romney long before he was even declared the winner in the Republican primaries. While some folks thought Rove would simply suck it up and get behind the party’s candidate, that just isn’t happening.
Spurred on by Dick Cheney, Rove has come up with a plan that will not only unseat Romney as the top Republican candidate at the Republican Convention in late August, but will most likely ensure Jeb Bush’s success at the polls in November.
“It’s a little thing I like to call “write-in votes,” said Rove at a recent meeting of extremely old and influential (up until now) Neo-Conservatives who have one purpose in mind—making sure Barack Obama doesn’t win a second term.
“We can’t do it with a dunderhead like Mitt Romney,” said Rove. “He’s beginning to make Sarah Palin look like a Rhodes Scholar.”
Rove told the crowd his ingenious plan. “Fortunately, Dick [Cheney] and I had the foresight to see this coming and began the process of filing the necessary paperwork in states that will allow it, to get our guy, Jeb Bush, on the ballots as a write-in candidate.”
Rove claims to not only have gotten all the paperwork squared away, but has already lined up the necessary electors in those state to assure a Bush victory.
“Is it the way we’d have liked to see Jeb Bush get on the ticket? No, of course not,” said Rove, “But the truth is, we don’t have the money to fight the Sheldon Adelsons and Koch Brothers, who don’t really share our views on world dominance, so we have to beat their money with strategic thinking,” he said.
“In the end, it really does come down to one thing…war.”
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