[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
A Pennsylvania psychiatrist is seeing a pattern emerging among older voters in his state who, even after all the signs that Mitt Romney is definitely not prepared to become the next President of the United States, still plan on voting for the man.
Joseph von Hertenshperger of Philadelphia claims that three of his patients have admitted they are voting for Mitt Romney, but are upset with themselves as they all say they don’t have the faintest idea why.
“I know he is greedy, he doesn’t have my best interests in mind, and if I vote for him, I can say adios to my Medicare benefits, but yet, I’m oddly drawn to the man’s words,” said George Patton, who was told by his doctor that it was okay to talk to us about this anomaly among voters.
Dr. Hertenshperger interjected.
“I have not fully determined what it is that makes these men (all three of the patients are males in their 80s and veterans of WWII) think that Mitt Romney is the better choice for President.”
What is extremely troubling is that after each of the guys watch Romney make another inane statement on the campaign trail, these guys are that much more determined that he must be our President,” said Hertenshperger, who admits there may be hundreds more like these men out there who have yet to be identified not only in Pennsylvania but in other key voting states as well.
The good doctor is just now conferring with a few of his colleagues to try and figure out if the patients’ early signs of Alzheimer’s disease have anything to do with their distorted thinking.
Hertenshperger says that he and the other doctors are offering all the men free therapy sessions until such time as they are either cured or they lose interest in this obsession with electing Romney as President.
“I never thought I’d be saying this,” said Dr. Hertenshperger, “but honestly, the Republican mandate that everyone voting must have a photo ID is a smart idea at least when it comes to these guys. They all lost their drivers licenses years ago, which will prevent Romney from getting at least three votes that I know of in this state.”
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