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Skyfall Has More Holes Than the Bad Guys James Bond Shoots

Dec 022012
 By , December 2, 2012

If Skyfall were a balloon, it would fall from the sky

Warning! This article contains spoilers! Yes, enough to ruin the movie for you if you read them. And yes, I am a bastard for writing them.

Skyfall, the newest of the James Bond series that is now in its fiftieth year of creation, is an expensively made, well wrought thriller with gorgeous scenery, gorgeous music (by Adele) gorgeous women, gorgeous violence and, unfortunately, a story line with severe defects. Oh well, you can’t have everything, even if you are James Bond. So, I will proceed to shoot Skyfall full of holes, much like JB did with many of the bad guys in the movie.

james bond skyfall daniel craig

Daniel Craig as James Bond in Skyfall.

As impossible as most of the James Bond films are, there are some bits in the film that really send it over the top.

The first is a shot James Bond takes an incredibly long fall off a very high Turkish bridge…and survives. Even for a fit super spy like him this would be a tall order, but you must also throw in the factors that he has been shot and is apparently unconscious when he hits the water. He also appears to go deep into the water (which doesn’t look like it should be that deep in the first place). Then he falls (still unconscious) over a couple small waterfalls.

Then, miracle of miracles, he suddenly appears at a beach resort in what was either a Latin American country or is still in Turkey. He doesn’t let anyone know where he is to enjoy the new found freedom of his ‘death’. If he is in Latin America though, wouldn’t M16 have noticed that he entered that country? Also when he roaming around shirtless, did he not have one bullet hole in his chest when he was shot twice? And wasn’t the one that you do see in the opposite side from when he first looked at it on the train? If he had been hit or even nicked by the high powered rifle on the train it would have done some pretty serious damage to him as well.

Other discrepancies that come up are:

M16 has a huge, obvious building in the middle of town — they are lucky that weren’t sabotaged before. Anyone could lob a grenade up on that thing.

Later in the movie the wounded Minister is able to walk directly into Q’s computer room and surprise them without apparently getting stopped by any form of security.

Bond manages to get into M’s apartment which logically should be as secure as Alcatraz was in its day.

The bad guy gets an entire island’s people to get up and leave due to a scare hoax — as we have seen with Katrina and Hurricane Sandy not everyone listens when you warn them.

Bond finds a casino chip worth 4 million Euros in the gun case of a crack assassin that he has killed. Since when would anyone carry an expensive casino chip around in a gun case, especially an expert assassin?

Bond gives a vulnerable young girl a suitcase with 4 million Euros in it at a notorious Macao casino. He might just as well hung a sign on her that said ‘Mug Me!”

Bad guy in subway chase blows hole in side of tunnel although he did not have time to set the explosive.

Bond returns to his childhood home in Scotland. In the books he is French/English.

Bond doesn’t hide the Austin (car) when hiding out at Scottish home although the bad guys are looking for him.

Although he kills everyone else he wants to in the movie the bad guy doesn’t kill the Scottish houseman when he captures M.

Since when do two small propane tanks create enough of an explosion to blow up a stone mansion when ignited?

The next exterior scene at the Skyfall mansion is at night when a moment before inside it was still day.

Band falls through the ice in a pond outside home in Scotland and goes impossibly deep into it, although from the size and location of the pond it cannot be that deep.

Although the knife Bond throws at the bad guy is not balanced it manages to land perfectly and penetrate his leather jacket and go deep enough into his body to kill him. It is also unlikely because the blade is not long enough to reach his heart.

M dies way too conveniently at the end of the Skyfall drama.

Lastly, and most importantly, James Bond is blond. No way a blond could ever become the top British spy!

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Roger Freed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor. For something in a more serious mode get "The Book Of Songs" by Roger Freed from A collection of short stories illustrating the subtle and powerful influence music can have on our minds and our spirits.

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  • umi

    as for the aston martin out front of his house, i think that didn’t really matter much since bond wanted him to come anyway.

  • Onderma

    Bond grew up in scotland after his parents died.

  • Realist

    The car is not an Austin it’s a Aston Martin DB5

    Propane gas is highly flammable and could take down a block of flats if positioned right

    The tunnel explosives were pre situated

    And any knife if thrown correctly can do damage

  • Roger Freed

    I shoot Skyfall full of holes; someone shoots my article full of holes.
    Karma? Probably.
    ‘Austin’ Martin- that was a bad gaffe. I deserve a ribbing on that. I even looked it up and still misspelled it.
    I could put up an argument on the other three, but it is not worth it.
    I still say no way could that knife do in a big hombre like Javier though.
    I thought I did a pretty good job since I only saw the movie once and did the whole article from memory.

  • brandon

    He didn’t ignite the propane. He ignited the 3 sticks of dynamite sitting on top of the propane. All together, enough to do some good damage.

    Bond told Q to leave a trail of bread crumbs for Silver to follow. The car obviously was part of the trail.

    Two years ago, my friend was 16 and jumped off the golden gate bridge on a dare. He lived. He got in a bunch of trouble but he lived. If a child could do it, so can a super trained spy.

    • Roger Freed

      Even when the super spy is unconscious?
      That takes some really supernatural training!

  • Cooper

    This is an amazing Bond film, especially considering it is a bicentennial. I have one question? Have you ever watched another Bond movie, or an action movie, period? All films need deus ex machinas resolve minor plot issues. You are a sour-puss, wannabe critic; if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut your mouth, Sir.

  • henry

    What Bond film doesn’t stretch credibility? It’s expected. And in this film the “holes” you mention are executed slickly and efficiently so as not to detract from what is a very entertaining movie.