[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
‘House of Women with PMDD’ hands down scariest haunted house
A new haunted house has been set up in Boulder Colorado that seems set to rank as the most frightening of all time — the House Of Women With PMDD.
Halloween spook houses are all the rage here on the Front Range of Colorado, which, when coupled with the anything goes attitude of the creative participants makes for some truly macabre, gruesome and horrific spectacles.
One houses theme is Chain Saw Massacre complete with splattered blood and limbs everywhere and gut wrenching screaming. Another embraces the current zombie craze with flesh lusting undeads wandering about seeking entrance price paying visitors for a smack. One of the more effective ones is the Honey Boo-Boo Haunted House where visitors must be able to run through the entire dilapidated house before being grabbed by one of Boo-Boos relatives and gummed to death or worse.
The trophy winner for most blood-curdling of all, though, is the House Of Women With PMDD. PMDD stands for Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, a premenstrual cycle even more excruciating than PMS for the woman and also for any unfortunate that dares cross her path while she has it. Of any of the haunted Houses researched for this article, the most pee-inducing shrieks, the most curdling depraved laughter, the most debased chortles, the most agony drenched pleas for mercy came from this building.
The author, knowing his low threshold for pain and his innate cowardice when facing females in their most Kali influenced time of the month, rather than do personal research therein, instead merely observed from outside how the so called ‘amusement’ fared. It was by far the loudest part of the carnival, the eerie animalistic cries that came from it usually topping well over 100 decibels.
In fact, it was all a bit too real. A major glitch in their show was that none of the people buying tickets and entering ever came back out again. Enough partner-less attendees had finally collected outside waiting for their mates/family/parents/fiances, etc to come out that the police were finally coaxed to check into the matter.
The police, being smart in the ways of self survival and familiar with the reputation of dealing with women having PMDD sent in a SWAT team who, upon entering, also did not come back out. Between their going in and their not leaving a lot there were a lot more shrill screaming and ear shattering cries of pain, all strangely masculine.
At this point the author left speedily when it was announced that a backup of drones was being sent in to aid what, if any, of the SWAT team was left.
IN RELATED BREAKING NEWS: Police have finally managed to recover the bodies of the SWAT Team when they were thrown from the Haunted House.They hadn’t had a chance in Hell to survive. Further police assaults upon the House of Women With PMDD will wait until they are over their monthly cycle and hopefully can be dealt with in a more rational way.
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