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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Donald Trump: ‘Obama Worst Boy Scout Ever’

Apr 292014
 By , April 29, 2014

“Excuse me, have you ever seen the President lead a cabinet meeting in singing ‘Michael Row Your Boat?'” – Donald Trump

In his latest salvo directed at President Obama, Donald Trump accused the President of not walking ‘presidentially.’ And, after taking credit for the White House releasing the President’s Hawaiian Birth Certificate, Donald Trump still wants to see the President’s college transcripts.

Donald Trump: 'Obama Worst Boy Scout Ever'

Image from Freaking News.

Trump doesn’t plan on stopping there, as he is now demanding the President turn over the records from his days as a Boy Scout.

When asked if he had lost contact with reality, Trump harrumphed, “Excuse me, excuse me, but I have friends who have awesome kids who can cook a cordon bleu meal with just flint and spam and half a packet of Splenda and the family domestic helping only a little…”

When asked what he was talking about, Donald Trump interrupted, “Excuse me, Excuse me, I hear Obama was the worst camp fire maker and an awful camp fire song singer.”

When asked how he knew this, Trump grumbled, “Excuse me, have you ever seen the President lead a cabinet meeting in singing ‘Michael Row Your Boat?’”

“But…” When CBS’ Bob Schieffer started to ask another question, Trump cut him off: “Excuse me, in my opinion, it’s horrendous and makes him the worst Boy Scout ever. Used to be Steven Hawking… That guy couldn’t build a camp fire but did give instructions on building a nuclear powered cooking range.”

When asked what the President could do to prove he was a good scout, Donald Trump answered: “Excuse me, let’s put it behind us, Mr. President, if that’s who you really are, and lead the next joint session of Congress in a sing-a-long of ‘On Top Of Spaghetti’ and ‘She’ll Be Coming Around The Mountain.’ Now those are some real awesome campfire songs…”

The White House said in a prepared statement the President will not respond to Mr. Trump until he releases his own psychiatric records.

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Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written and/or Produced for shows on FUSE, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO, XM/Sirius and Lifetime. In addition, he's written standup material that's been performed on Leno, Letterman, Conan, "Last Comic Standing," etc., Hobo Pancakes and Humor Times. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)

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