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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

It’s a Small Third World After All: Afghani-Disneyland Announced

Jun 092014
 By , June 9, 2014

Roller-coaster ride of Afghanistan War to be replaced by actual roller-coasters, in a new Disneyland


Disneyland by Scott Schrantz, fickr.

With the drawing down of U.S and NATO troops in Afghanistan, President Obama put in place the final phase of his Afghan policy, announcing the purchase of Afghanistan by Disney.

“Where is the land they bought? Outside of Kabul?” a New York Times reporter asked the President. “No, I mean they purchased Afghanistan — the whole country,” Obama replied.

Standing by the President, Walt Disney CEO Robert Iger added, “We believe anyplace with that much opium has the potential to truly be the happiest place on earth.”

What are Disney’s plans for the war torn country? Iger revealed the entertainment giant will turn the country into one giant Disneyland theme park: “Normally, when we take over a property we have to demolish all the structures, displace the locals, etcetera, etcetera. But, between the Taliban and NATO all the hard work’s been done.”

Afghani-Disneyland’s rides are reported to include Tora Bora: The Roller Coaster, War Lords of the Poppy Fields, It’s a Small Third World After All, Country Burka Jamboree, Camel Toe Junction and The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pashtun.

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Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of -- winning the Noble Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa's indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has written and/or Produced for shows on FUSE, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO, XM/Sirius and Lifetime. In addition, he's written standup material that's been performed on Leno, Letterman, Conan, "Last Comic Standing," etc., Hobo Pancakes and Humor Times. Now, on to Paul's time-commanding Special Forces in Khandahar… (See all of Paul's "Ripping the Headlines Today" columns here.)

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