[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]
Timothy Ray Murray admitted his Tea Party career could be enhanced by his now half a brain, however.
Tea Party candidate Timothy Ray Murray has changed his tune, and is now saying his Republican challenger, Rep. Frank Lucas, is actually a zombie who ate his brain, and used it to outsmart him in the recent primary race.
Previously, Murray had charged that the ‘Frank Lucas’ who beat him was just a body double, and that the real candidate was dead.
“I just said that because I knew people would think I was crazy if I told the truth,” said the Tea Party darling. “But I guess they did anyway.”
Asked if having his brain eaten also makes him a zombie, Murray seemed momentarily taken aback. “Hmm, I didn’t think of that,” he said. “But in my defense, it’s hard to think when you only have half a brain.”
“I was much smarter than him before all this, which is why I thought I’d make a better congressman,” Murray said. “Now I don’t know what I’ll do. Where would an ignorant bastard with half a brain be welcome?”
It was then that his impaired synapses fired once again: “Oh, come to think of it, I suppose the best place for me would still be Congress!”
Latest posts by James Israel (see all)
- Check Out the Latest Edition of the ‘News in Cartoons’ on our Humor Times App! - June 20, 2017
- Putin to Move into White House Next Week - June 14, 2017
- White House Adds ‘Dignity and Morality Waivers’ to Ethics Waivers - June 2, 2017
Like the above content? Leave a comment below! Get notified of new content on HumorTimes.com: Subscribe via email!