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[Disclaimer: This article is satire, or what we used to call "fake news" before actual fake news started poisoning the political discourse!]

Mullets and Manifestos: North Korea’s Killer Hairstyles

Jun 302014
 By , June 30, 2014

North Korea’s Kim Jong Un doesn’t like to leave the details to the unwashed masses.

Until recently, every man in North Korea had to choose their haircuts from a list of state-endorsed George, Ringo, John & Paul styles.

north korea

The Dear Leader is the only one who can opt out.

But starting today, by Supreme Decree, all males in the hermit kingdom are required to sport the same hairstyle as the once mighty Billy Ray Cyrus. Pyongyang finalized the new Mullet Manifesto last week, and some North Koreans are understandably unenthused.

When asked how he felt, a former Pyongyang resident who defected to the South stated his disgust, saying that the mullet represents “everything wrong with country music.”

For now, it looks likely that women are safe, still given the freedom to choose from one of the state-approved George, Ringo, John & Paul styles. Although, reportedly, Dear Leader Kim Jong Un has plans to introduce a mandatory Bjork look, or perhaps even opting for a Charlize Theron Monster style.

In recent times it has been reported that Kim Jong Un’s grip over the North Korean people extends to every facet of daily life, and the self confessed Wrecking Ball lover seems to possess a deep admiration for the man who helped create Miley.

When Billy himself was asked for his thoughts, he simply stated, “The mullet is a deeply personal thing. It doesn’t translate globally since everyone has different face and head shapes. As much as I believe in Cyrus conversion, hair is sacred, and it is enough to shatter my achy, breaky heart.”

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John Glynn

John Glynn is an Irishman, a lover of Guinness and a potato connoisseur. An expert in the area of mediocrity, he one day hopes to own a decent coffee maker and visit SeaWorld Orlando.

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