Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews comedienne Roseanne Barr.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it s good morning? Absolutely. Today on the show my guest is comedienne Roseanne Barr.
JERRY
Good morning, Roseanne.
ROSEANNE BARR
Hi Jerry.
JERRY
Haven’t heard from you in awhile.
BARR
I’ve been vegetatin’ in Hawaii. Now I’m on “the stump for Trump.” Hey, that rhymes don’t it.
JERRY
You’re a big 2024 Trump supporter.
BARR
Damn straight. Nothin better than a good conspiracy theory. The man is a very stable genius.
JERRY
If lies were bricks, Trump would have built that wall on the Mexican border by now.
BARR
Trump had a better idea. He ordered NASA to find illegal aliens.
JERRY
I read in the National Enquirer that your ex-husband Tom Arnold said you purposely sabotaged The Conners sitcom so it would be cancelled in 2018. Your racist tweets about Valerie Jarrett, former senior advisor to President Obama gave the network no choice.
BARR
Is Valerie Jarrett alive?
JERRY
Yes.
BARR
F her.
JERRY
Actress Rita Moreno said, “You are a sorry excuse for a human being.”
BARR
If I had poisoned Rita 30 years ago, I’d be on parole by now.
JERRY
Comedienne Wanda Sykes said, “Roseanne is just an old lady who shouldn’t be on X.”
BARR
Wanda is a washed up no talent. Her hair is bigger than my mouth.
JERRY
So what are you doing to help the Trump campaign?
BARR
I’m writin’ racist jokes for his rallies. The rubes love ’em.
JERRY
Like what?
BARR
Why do Mexicans have small steering wheels?
JERRY
I don’t know.
BARR
So they can’t drive them with handcuffs. Actually, I wrote the joke with Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio. He’s still pissed off about the Alamo.
JERRY
(sarcastic) Wonderful.
BARR
Wrote some church sermons this mornin’ when I was drinkin’ beer. Nothin like a good sermon to make you feel stupid.
JERRY
Sure. Let your stupidity be a shining light for MAGA Republicans. Have you ever been treated for mental illness?
BARR
Yeah. I gave up a baby in a mental hospital when I was 16. I was really messed up.
JERRY
Did your child every try to find you?
BARR
Nah. But every time I push out a turd into the toilet, I think of her.
JERRY
Why don’t you leave politics? Do something good for humanity.
BARR
I just donated $1,000 to a charity for blind children. I doubt they’ll ever see it. Here’s somethin interestin’. Ray Charles met his wife on a blind date. There’s hope for you, Jerry.
JERRY
Are you sure a coconut didn’t fall on your head?
BARR
Don’t mess with me. I’m outta meds.
JERRY
And here I thought I was nuts. Roseanne Barr everyone. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
- The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews the Mayor of Bemidji, MN - November 12, 2024
- The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Buckwheat of Our Gang - November 6, 2024
- The Jerry Duncan Show Birthday Surprise - October 29, 2024