[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Alex Jones Calls Mars Landing a Fake

Conspiracy theorist wastes no time debunking Curiosity Mars landing

Alex Jones, a radio personality most noted for his conspiracy theories, has come out just hours after NASA announced the safe Mars landing of its Curiosity rover and labeled it a fake.

Alex Jones Calls Mars Landing a Fake“A complete and utter fake, no doubt about it,” said Jones just minutes into his daily rant on the Alex Jones Show.

“Just who does NASA think they are dealing with?” Jones asked as he proceeded to count down (no pun intended) the evidence leading to his conclusion about the latest space mission.

“First of all, correct me if I’m wrong, but NASA has been defunded. So just how would a $2.6 billion dollar mission be funded? Yeah, I know, corporate backing and all that, but, come on folks…corporate guys aren’t that stupid. They aren’t gonna lay out the dough for a space mission that had a 70% probability of failure.”

Asked where he got his figures, Jones said he can find anything if he looks hard enough, even if he has to make it up. “I’m pretty much in the ballpark,” he said. “At least I think I am.”

Jones asked his audience “Do you really think the President is gonna OK a mission like this less than four months before the election?”

Jones claims Obama’s top advisers actually came up with the ‘Wag the Dog’ type Mars spectacular to take the heat off his (Obama’s) plan to de-industrialize the coal industry in order to send energy rates soaring.

“News like that can kill any plans for re-election,” said Jones.

“So, to take the heat off his failed economic and energy plans, let’s just assume the President is willing to spend a few million more of taxpayers’ dollars to get some MIT students to build a convincing-looking rover, hire a good director and special effects firm, and produce a helluva Mars landing on some set in Hollywood.”

“Hell, for that matter, I wouldn’t be surprised if all they really spent was a couple hundred bucks to hire some half-way decent photoshop guru to doctor up a photo of the Painted Desert and pass it off on us as a successful Mars landing.”

Jones claims that the videos of NASA scientists clapping and cheering as the alleged rover touched down on Mars are eerily similar to those he remembers from the movie “Contact.”

Jones then ended his show discussing the conspiracy theories surrounding Dick Cheney’s unbelievably long life after several heart attacks and a heart transplant.

“No human heart can survive that, so I’m gonna throw something out there, folks,” said Jones. “Robots. MIT students. Bionics.”

The following two tabs change content below.
P. Beckert
P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once-brilliant nation. If you like her posts, become a follower and leave a comment. And don't forget to share on Facebook, Twitter and other social accounts! Syndicated from her I Said Laugh, Dammit blog.
  • fix4all

    More than 40 years later since the supposed 1st Apollo moon mission and with advanced sophisticated technology, hi-def cameras and who knows what other classified instrumentation/technology, all they could receive is a few thumbnail pics with a silhouette! The orientation of the rover had to be just-right to create that shot with the silhouette. Of course, everything transpired perfectly. The supposed fish-eye cams on the Curiosity would be much more capable and able to provide images of itself. The faked Apollo mission video, as bad as it was, in contrast, was more believable. Instead of wasting billions to determine if a planet can or has supported life, how about channeling that to our own existence here on this planet and addressing the problems we all face. What an expensive joke.

    • Jeff Ridout

      right. Are you a video expert? Are you knowledgeable in the physics and science of the moon landing? or did you read something on a website because you lacked basic understanding of physics to explain something thats been proven, and will forever be proven right?

      • tootie

        Dear Jeff –

        there is no need to get so hot under the collar about this.

        Please look up the “Van Allen Belt”. This makes manned space travel impossible.

        Some people are able through discernment (in contrast to those who need teachers) to differentiate the truth from a lie.

        The logistics of such a trip – whether to the Moon or to Mars are physically impossible to coordinate.

        This Moon and Mars and in general this outerspace business is a government psy-op meant to influence your thinking. In the end they want to control you. And they do this by brainwashing through TV, school, church, hollywood movies, radio gurus and the like.

        Just use YOUR brain and you will come to the same conlcusion as Alex Jones.

        • Jeff Ridout

          No no Alex Jones doesn’t use his brain, much like the rest of his sheeple followers who blindly accept what he says as law. First off my dim witted friend, manned space travel is not only possible, its happening now with scientists in orbit in the ISS. I feel sorry for people like you who see men in black suits every where you turn. who think everything in your life is nothing more than a conspiracy. You readily believe things without proof, you go on faith constantly. You’d think this conspiracy crap was a religion or something??? You certainly treat it as such.
          A smart person would question things scientifically. Question whether or not something is real, something is plausible. Space exploration is plausible. Alex Jones, with his weirdo Catholic cult crap and vast network of phoney horse shit brainwash nitwits like yourself into following them blindly like some Mullah reciting the Quran. Sad. I thought I had more hope for man kind. Instead you replace one religion with an even dumber one.
          And if you are going to use terms such as the Van Halen Belt, or think that a trip to the moon is impossible (stupid word btw) to coordinate, than next time you use a computer, chalk it up to magic or something.

  • Yup! A rocket travelled 350 million miles, What type of fuel sent it there? what type of alien materials were used to build this kit. Read a little about Mars, and you will find out that it the story and video we are getting needs serious scrutiny.) soft landed on Mars and now is transmitting porn to NASA. and geeks who are ecstatic to the point of orgasms. Lord have mercy. The space shuttle rocket could barely get to the Russian space station in tact,at the height of NASA full glory of deception and oceans of money, nothing barely left the atmosphere before disintegrating yet and now is it all another fake man on the moon illusion and zombies are lapping it up. Supposed videos and pictures are no proof of fact. NASA and the industry cabal behind it along with the US government cannot and should never be trusted on anything that has not been verified by their peers outside the USA. then checked and rechecked by you,

    • Jeff Ridout

      i hope you’re being sarcastic. If not, you would be a complete idiot. First. No rocket took the lander there. a rocket got it in to orbit. boosters put it on a trajectory towards Mars. Adjustment boosters corrected the direction, acceleration etc etc. The reason why scientists ignore this crap is not because “theyve been caught in their lies” its because people are arguing from complete ignorance and stupidity and most scientists have neither the inclination nor patience in dealing with people so ignorant of physics and general grade school science. I beg of you to read about the physics on this if you are not joking. I plead with you to spend time learning about this. Alex Jones is a fraud and a liar. I will go on record and and make it clear. He lies and makes shit up for ratings. He is not some sort of truth preaching saviour of mankind. He’s a big mouthed ignorant talking head that appeals to the lowest common demoninator. The problem is, good honest people who do not understand what hes talking about will listen to him and his bullshit.

  • Old cranky man

    Why, that’s that damned thing that landed in my backyard here in Sedona a while back! I let it run around for a few days hoping some kid would come and git it. Finally I caught it peeping that damned camera thing it has toward my bedroom window. I went out and batted it with a baseball bat!

    • PBeckert

      I am assuming since you are an old cranky man that you yelled “Git off my lawn” as you were batting the thing. I may have to write a follow up report and I want to get the facts straight.

  • gg

    The landing is obviously faked, Ms Beckert.

    Alex Jones is a “truth” disinformation agent: anything he says will immediately be viewed as quack.

    It’s a (not so) clever disinformation trick used since the dawn of time to delegitimize the opposition.

  • Steven S.

    It’s amazing how many doubt we have the technology to do this. Here we are in the 21st century, with nano particles, drones, and all kinds of intricate technologies. And I kinda think if they were going to fake it, they wouldn’t have come up with such a crazy-sounding landing scheme, they’d have made it more plausible-sounding: http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/08/06/us-usa-mars-idUSBRE8721A920120806 … Here’s an interesting enhanced video of the landing. http://www.wired.com/2012/09/ultra-hd-curiosity-landing/

Humor Times: 'World's Funniest News Source'