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Scientists Uncover Undeniable Proof of ‘Big Blang Theory’

Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network)

Incontrovertible evidence has been discovered supporting the “Big Blang Theory” of the birth of the universe.

In a special exclusive report, SNN space reporter Buck Rogers Flashe Gordon states that scientists have recently discovered undeniable evidence that the Big Blang Theory of the birth of the universe is true.

Big Blang Theory
Amazingly still-clean instruments studying the “Big Blang Theory.” Photo: NASA/JPL-Caltech, Public Domain.

According to the report, Dr. Gitte Owtaheare, Director of the famous Yeah Wright Observatory and head of the Space Krappe Department at the University of Vagina at Gonaade, came upon the discovery while scanning the skies looking for the new Russian Nuclear warhead space satellite.

According to the Defecationist Church of Slobovia, mankind came from the ass of the great god King Feces. It was believed that before he shat out mankind, he brought forth a mountainous expulsion of Fartgasse which formed the Earth and the entire Universe.

The Big Blang Theory was first written about in 23456 BC by SlobboRoman, emperor and scholar Phattasse Rectumus. In the 15th century, scholar Gilberto Schnotlocker provided proof to Bishop Israel Whackeau, the head of the Slobovian Defecationist State Church, and thereafter the Big Blang Theory became a part of Defecationist catechism.

Dr. Owtaheare stated that he was scanning the Universe when he began getting signals from the observatory’s Nuclear Urineometer. He fired rays from the urineometer into space and they led him to an un-recorded dirt road in the Third Black Hole on the left. There he discovered fine Fartgasse crystals that, according to the Urinenometer, had been regenerating energy for at least 400 billion years.

He said that the university is preparing a space expedition to harvest some of the crystals, remarking that they may have medicinal rewards — especially being a cure for jock itch.

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Ted Holland