[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Ryan Loses it; Tells Romney to Walk Like a Man

Paul Ryan told his boss, Mitt Romney, to “walk like a man” Friday, after having “had enough” of watching the Mittster walk “like a baby” to and from podiums all over America.

Paul Ryan

“You have no swagger whatsoever,” Ryan yelled to Romney, as he walked awkwardly toward the stage during the rehearsal.

“How freakin’ hard is it to get from point A to point B?” he said, muffling a scream.

“You look like you’ve been holding it in since the elections began,” Ryan added, as his exasperation with Romney seemed to explode.

Ryan then began to walk in exaggeratedly large steps, swinging his arms up and down to prove his point.

“Look,” he said. “Watch and learn,” as Ryan then placed his hands on his hips and did his best impression of his hero, John Wayne.

“See the difference? See it? It’s like night and day, am I right?” said Ryan in a fevered pitch.

At that point in time, one of Ryan’s closest aides sidled alongside Ryan and whispered something in his ear.

“For cripes sakes, guys… why didn’t you tell me the cameras were rolling and we actually had a crowd this time?!”

P. Beckert