New Mental Disease Uncovered - Ted Holland, Humor Times

Dispatches from SNN

Psychiatrist Dr. Eric Copasetic has named a new mental disease affecting us all.

“When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school… It’s a wonder I can think at all.”

Those lyrics form Paul Simon’s hit Kodachrome are more relevant than ever, states world-famous psychiatrist Dr. Eric Copasetic of the Hunkee-Doree Clinic.

According to Dr. Copasetic, people the world over are so inundated with the daily flow of relevant and irrelevant data that the human brain cannot process it. An overflow of data clogs the brain’s Krappal Tunnel and renders the brain useless.

The Krappal Tunnel, or Obliquis Amondallus, is a small entrance way to the brain. Too much data trying to flow through it renders it clogged like a sewer drain.

The modern brain gets data hits from social media, 24-hour news channels, streaming services and the like. Today the brain has to process more data in a day than say the 1950’s brain would process in a fortnight.

The new mental disease has been branded Krappal Tunnel Syndrome. Symptoms are brain numbness, brain regurgitation, a zombie-eyed stare, mumbling, violence and it may lead to suicide.

So far the only cure for Krappal Tunnel Syndrome is complete silence and darkness. Turn off all devices and lock yourself in a dark room for 5-8 days.

Breaking News

Commander-in-Chief to add AI Officers to Military. Commander-in-Chief Donald Trump explains, “If General Custer had had an Artificial Ignorance officer, he would have won at Little Bighorn. If the Roman Emperor had an Artificial Ignorance Officer, the Goths would never have sacked Rome.”

SNN Words to Live By

“Trouble and I are old enemies. We understand each other.” — Haven (Dick Powell), Station West, 1948 film.

“Never answer the phone on Monday.” — Slobovian Wiseman Krappius, 34 BC.

“Things fall apart.” — W. B. Yeats.

“Marriage is the death of fun.” — Theo Huxtable (Malcolm Jamal Warner), Cosby Show, 1980’s TV series.

The Question

Fallon or Kimmel? (Leave your answer in the comments below!)

Author’s Pick: Fallon.

Answer to Last Question

Who are the following people?

Chadwick Tromp: Catcher for the Baltimore Orioles

Alessandro Alessandroni: Lead guitarist featured on Ennio Morricone’s The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars, and more theme songs.

Anne Bonny: famous lady pirate.

Clarence Rutherford: “Lumpy” on Leave It To Beaver, TV series.

Stand Watie: Last Civil War Confederate general to surrender.

Author
Recent Posts

Ted Holland

Ted holland attended college for four years. The year that he bothered to go to class he studied history. He majored in throwing quarters in the jukebox in the Student Union canteen and minored in a girl named Marsha. His books include This Day In African American Musicand B Western Actors Encyclopedia.