Doctor Interviewed on Talk Radio - Dean Kaner, Humor Times

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Doctor Chris Jackson.

ANNOUNCER

doctor Bangladesh — Bangladesh Navy Hospital.

From beautiful downtown Slenderville, Minnesota, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

TOMMY ELLIS

Happy Monday. And believe me, I’m happy. This past weekend, I had the friggin’ runs. Couldn’t get off the pot for days. Did manage to get to the store to buy evaporated milk, but by the time I got home it was gone. Guess that’s why they call it evaporated by golly. Thank goodness my doctor Chris Jackson makes house calls. After examinin’ me, he said I was dehydrated. And the doc solved the problem. Stuck an IV in my arm. Them fluids and nutrients went through my body like a jolt of electricity.

Mornin’ Doctor Chris.

DR. CHRIS JACKSON

Hello Tommy. Hope you’re drinkin’ lots of water.

TOMMY

Yep. Bought Smart Water like you suggested. I was wonderin’ though. If Smart Water is so smart, then how did it get bottled?

CHRIS

That’s a good question for Goggles. I always say, “Drink wine, feel fine. Drink beer, feel the cheer. Drink champagne, fell no pain. Drink water…” Nothin’ really rhymes with water. Just sayin’. Anyway, the reason I’m here is to promote vaccines. You got them anti-vaxxers who are scared of shots. Do ya know what anti-vax kids wanna grow up to be?

TOMMY

Reckon I don’t.

CHRIS

Alive.

TOMMY

I like hearin’ stuff about anti-vax kids. They never grow old.

CHRIS

I done research on vaccines when I was doin’ my residency at Bangladesh Naval Hospital. Many of the people had tigeritis from eatin’ too many Frosted Flakes. Tommy, Tony the Tiger is just like Diddy. They both wear stripes. Ya know Frosted Flakes causes diabetes. Too much sugar in the cereal. One boy in the hospital was shaken’ uncontrollably after he ate two bowls.

TOMMY

Of Frosted Flakes?

CHRIS

No. The bowls. I told him not to be scared of dyin’. People die all the time. And ya don’t hear them complainin’.

TOMMY

Good for you.

CHRIS

Thank goodness I discovered a vaccine to stop the shakes. Tuna eyeballs diluted in corn oil.

TOMMY

And here Charlie the Tuna thought he was doin’ a good job for Starkist.

CHRIS

I suppose you’re wonderin’ why I was in Bangladesh.

TOMMY

Not really. I read your background before we was on the air. You flunked out of medical school in the USA.

CHRIS

Sad. Long story short. I tried puttin’ my grades up for adoption, but couldn’t raise em’. The people of Bangladesh accepted me for what I am.

TOMMY

And ya saved them folks from Frosted Flakes. Ya deserve a medal.

CHRIS

Appreciate ya.

TOMMY

Ya know. My sugar is kinda high.

CHRIS

What are ya doin’ about it?

TOMMY

I moved it to a lower shelf.

CHRIS

Self-discipline is good. We need to be proactive in medicine like havin’ vaccines. Especially for measles, chicken pox and flu.

TOMMY

Absolutely. I had measles when I was a kid.

CHRIS

Me, too. I made a joke of it at school and the class laughed. It was contagious.

TOMMY

Now I understand why you was raised by wolves. Dr. Chris Jackson. See ya tomorrow.

Minnesota Nice
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.