former teacher classroom

Minnesota Nice Interviews His Former Teacher Doris Hathaway

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Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews his former teacher.

ANNOUNCER

From beautiful downtown Slenderville, Minnesota, it’s the Minnesota Nice Radio Show. And here’s your host Tommy Ellis.

former teacher classroom
Photo: Abaddon1337, Wikipedia, CC BY-SA 4.0.

TOMMY ELLIS

Hello everyone. Today is special, because my 5th grade elementary school former teacher Doris Hathaway is the guest. My best friend Jim Jasper and me spent two years together in her class. Ms. Hathaway always told us to follow our dreams. If that was true, then why didn’t she let us sleep in class?

Good mornin’ Ms. Hathaway.

DORIS HATHAWAY

Call me Doris. You’re an adult now.

TOMMY

You betcha. So Doris, I know you’re retired. What are ya up to?

DORIS

I travel. Do a lot of readin’. Tend to my vegetable garden.

TOMMY

Where do ya travel?

DORIS

All over the world. Last summer, I was in South Korea and Japan. Toured ancient temples, dined on exotic cuisine, visited small islands around the peninsulas. However, I was surprised both countries are mad at Americans.

TOMMY

Why?

DORIS

Because Americans keep China in their cabinet.

TOMMY

Speakin’ of temples. Do ya know where Solomon’s temple was?

DORIS

Sure. In Jerusalem.

TOMMY

No. On the side of his head.

DORIS

By golly, you’re right. It’s in the bible. I believe the Book of Ridiculous.

TOMMY

Or was it Mad magazine?

DORIS

I am so proud of you. Never thought you’d amount to much in life. Last I heard, you was baggin’ groceries at the supermarket.

TOMMY

Ya, but I climbed the ladder. The boss had me stockin’ paper goods on the highest shelf. One afternoon, he pushed me aside and said to hold the ladder for him. His last words, “Are ya holdin’ the ladder, Tommy?”

DORIS

Were ya?

TOMMY

Guess not. Got fired after he fell. Oh well, I got this here talk show.

DORIS

Kind of a flippant remark.

TOMMY

It’s not about dolphins, Doris.

Tell me why you married the janitor Gordon Williams. I mean, he was a 22-year-old in the 6th grade.

DORIS

I know, but Gordon “swept me” off my feet. And he graduated from 9th grade with honors. His classmates worshipped him as a superhero. Called him Flush Gordon.

TOMMY

Glad you’re happy. Was wonderin’ if Slenderville schools education is better now than when I was a student.

DORIS

No. Readin’ and writin’ don’t happen til 6th grade. Some kids flunk. Others get expelled. We’re the laughin’ stock of Minnesota schools.

TOMMY

Sorry to hear. Those students you mentioned are like farts. Definitely goin’ to get expelled. Doris Hathaway. See ya tomorrow.

 

Minnesota Nice, (c) Dean B. Kaner

Dean Kaner
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