Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Republican Senator from South Carolina Tim Scott.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY DUNCAN
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is Republican Senator from South Carolina Tim Scott.
JERRY
Good morning, Senator Scott.
SENATOR TIM SCOTT
It’s a beautiful morning. By the way, I appreciate the Aunt Jemima pancakes and Famous Amos cookies your staff provided. I always support my Black brothers and sisters.
JERRY
No, you don’t. You were against Affirmative Action. It eliminated discrimination and disadvantages for minorities. Also voted to repeal the Affordable Care Act which has helped improve the health of millions of impoverished people in the minority community.
SCOTT
I support welfare.
JERRY
Huh?
SCOTT
Corporate welfare. We need to help the poor oil companies. They only made $332 billion dollars last year.
JERRY
You’re 58 years old. Never married. Not that I’m surprised.
SCOTT
What do you mean?
JERRY
You believe in abstinence until marriage. Women prefer sexually experienced men. Not to mention ones with good looks.
SCOTT
You saying I’m ugly?
JERRY
Timmy. You’re so ugly that when you sit on a sandy beach, cats try to bury you.
SCOTT
Only happened once…maybe twice.
JERRY
Started in politics at the age of 30 when you owned an Allstate insurance agency.
SCOTT
Yes, sir.
JERRY
Do you know why women in Afghanistan don’t need car insurance?
SCOTT
No.
JERRY
Because they are already covered.
SCOTT
Sounds right.
JERRY
You’re really a bad ass. Former South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley appointed you to the Senate in 2013 to fill a vacancy. What did you do in gratitude? Endorsed Donald Trump for president in 2024.
SCOTT
I prefer Nikki Haley over Indian chicken curry if that’s any consolation.
JERRY
You’re an insane mother. Is it true when you were on the Charleston County Council in 1995, posted the Ten Commandments outside the council chambers?
SCOTT
Yeah, baby.
JERRY
That’s unconstitutional.
SCOTT
I don’t believe in the constitution. I’m part of the MAGA nation. Make Authoritarians Great Again!
JERRY
Well, the ACLU does and you were forced to remove the tablets. FYI, there are 11 commandments. Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor.
JERRY
I understand you want Trump to make you his running mate in the 2024 presidential race.
SCOTT
I do. Trump is the evil magician. He will make democracy disappear.
JERRY
Senator Tim Scott. See you tomorrow.
The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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