[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Designer to the Stars: Wardrobe Malfunctions Are No Accident

Stars love the extra ‘exposure’ generated by ‘wardrobe malfunctions’

Louie Louie, an up-and-coming designer who has recently received rave reviews for his designs for such well-known stars as Ashley Judd, Nicole Kidman, and Sandra Bullock, as well as veteran actor and director Woody Allen, has come out with a tell-all about the fashion industry as it relates to the entertainment world. The big secret he spills? Wardrobe malfunctions function perfectly.

Wardrobe malfunctions, nip slip bookThe designer is 34 and has been designing for less than three years, but has already made a name for himself, for reasons other than designing the perfect evening ensemble.

He is better known for the fact that some of his creations seem to regularly come apart at the seams, literally, on the red carpet.

But LL, as he is more popularly known, says that in the fashion world, there are very few real accidents. And, he claims that some stars are beating down his door to get into, and subsequently pop out of, one of his creations.

“Call me stupid, but I know an opportunity when I see it,” said LL on Entertainment Tonight recently.

“Do you honestly think that Janet Jackson’s ‘nip-slip’ was an accident?” he asked. “No way, Jose,” he said as he snapped his fingers in the shape of an exclamation point, which is his new signature ‘snapature,’ as he calls it.

LL claims that it is mainly the older stars who need something to perk up their flagging careers and what better way to do it than to slip into an LL gown, only to have a seam split open in a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the very moment they are being interviewed, exposing a bit of skin the star is particularly proud of having toned up at the gym for the past couple of weeks.

“Instant exposure!” he exclaimed joyously as he started clapping in a delicate yet uncontrollable manner.

While most, if not all, wardrobe malfunctions involve female stars, LL says he may be the only designer in Hollywood who designs flaws for male clients needing a career boost, including Stephen Baldwin, Randy Quaid, and, as mentioned above, Woody Allen.

“I’m famous in men’s design for my “crotch mishaps,” said a proud LL who takes credit for the ‘half-open zipper’ look that is sweeping the red carpet this year during the award shows.

“I’m blonde, yes, but dumb? No way Jose,” said LL snapping away the imaginary exclamation points.

P. Beckert