[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Why Assad Has No Problem Slaughtering His Own People

A psychological investigative group has been studying why trained, professional medical people have been able to turn their back on their helping of their fellow man and resort to barbarianism as evidenced especially in Bashar al-Assad, the dictator of Syria who has no problem annihilating his own people. Other famous historical medical giants who have turned into butchers are Radovan Karadzic, the former psychiatrist who led Serbians to commit atrocities on captured Bosnians and Croatians. The most famous doctor who turned into a gruesome ogre was Mengele, the Nazi surgeon who did horrible medical experiments on Jewish and gypsy prisoners to aid Hitlers quest on how to make an Aryan superman.

assad cartoonWorking for years without coming up with anything substantial, the researchers finally hit upon the causative factor. It seems that while would-be medical practitioners are normally trained in the Hippocratic Oath, which states, “I will prescribe regimens for the good of my patients according to my ability and my judgment and never do harm to anyone.”

Unfortunately, it appears that Assad, Karadzic and Mengele were instead in classes that had become corrupted, and sworn to take a “Hypocritical Oath,” meaning that they say one thing and then do whatever they wanted to, which they did in a big way.

When asked about this conflict in his duty, Premier Assad stated that he was surprised by its revelation. Growing up in a family where tyranny was the norm, he thought that torture, executions and planned murders were part of the normal functioning of a state. He then threw up his hands and said, “Well, it’s too late to do anything about it now. Hypocritical, Hippocratic, it all sounds the same.” Then he personally tortured and killed the reporter asking the question.

Legal experts are working hard to reverse this unfortunate misunderstanding of ones professional medical duty and to make sure that medical students in the future are taking the proper oath.

Roger Freed