2023: With Half of America Shot, NRA Still Opposing Gun Control

Timeline – April 23, 2023.  Place – Washington, D.C., or what is left of it.

The National Rifle Association (NRA) and Congress again face off against each other over the never ending debate on gun control. Once again it took a major massacre, this time the entire State of Delaware, to get the opposing factions to meet.

Susan Sarandon, gun control
Senator Susan Sarandon.

While the grieving relatives of those who died in the attack by New Jersey attended the mass burial in Delaware which took up the entire state, the debate raged on again in the Senate Halls. The death of every single person living in the State of Delaware brings the total number of dead in the last ten years to 157 million, exactly half the country at the time of the 2020 census.

NRA President David Keene starts off the discussion: “I wish to make it clear, there is and never has been a need for gun control. It is merely a plot by the government to take away our guns so that they can have a totalitarian system.”

“No need for gun control?” stammered House Majority leader Chelsea Clinton. “ How can you even think that? Half the country is dead from gunshot wounds! How can you justify that?”

“It was simply bad people shooting other people. We can’t help it if there are bad people. We should make a mandate that all bad people should be sterilized so that they cannot have kids. That would solve the situation,” replied Keene blandly.

“Would that be like the idea that LaPierre had back in 2013 when he said that all schools should have armed guards? “ stated an exasperated Senator Susan Sarandon from California. “The idea that resulted in every school system in America going bankrupt because it was the last straw for already cash strapped communities?”

“Yeah, I think we all remember that one!” Sarandon went on. “Since then we’ve slipped to being a second world nation where half the population cannot read or write. Half of the population that is still alive, that is!”

“Now that cannot be blamed on us, Senator. We too have to have money to survive on and we do quite well for ourselves,” said Keene.

“Well, I suppose that is not too hard when you are the spokesman for every gun manufacturer in the world,” retorted Rep. Clinton.

“I don’t see no problem with people havin’ their little play toys,” interjected legislator Bristol Palin.

“Would you consider an Uzi a playtoy?” snipped Sarandon.

“Oh, whatever!” exclaimed Palin. “Uzi, schmoozie! I think it is perfectly OK to have any guns you want. I think God wants us to have as many guns as we want. What is good enough for God is good enough for me.”

“Gentlemen!” shouted Senator Sarandon. A full half of our countrymen are rotting in untimely graves. I say it is high time for some changes! Guns meant for military use should not be in the hands of private citizens. Who else must die to get the changes we need?”

“All of you,” grinned Keene malevolently, his hand going to his mouth in realization of his Freudian slip.