‘We thought we’d have a bit of Halloween fun is all,’ said the president
It turns out all the problems with the “ObamaCare” website were created intentionally, as a Halloween prank to “scare the bejesus out of people,” according to White House sources. “In-house, we called it ‘ObamaScare,’ and had a lot of good laughs over it,” said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney at a press conference today. “We especially enjoyed watching those TV pundits get their panties all in a bunch!” he added.
The president released a statement on the matter, saying, “We thought we’d have a bit of Halloween fun is all. Lighten up, America! You’ll get your health care. We’ll put the real website up as a Christmas present on December 25th, it works like a charm.”
After reading the statement, Carney put down his prepared notes and said, “We just found out about all the hubbub the website roll-out has caused. We don’t watch much cable news around here, that shit will drive anyone batty. Sorry, CNN.”
“Anyway, hell,” he went on, “we had the best internet brains in the country on the president’s re-election committee. Did you all really think we couldn’t handle a little ol’ website?”
Reaction has been swift. CNN’s Wolf Blitzer was in the “Situation Room” and said, “This is a bad situation. Really bad.”
Blitzer added a rhetorical question for the president: “Do you realize you made us look like fools? We spent HOURS trying to log on, wasting our viewers’ time, when we could have been screwing up so many more relevant stories, CNN-style.”
Over at Fox, Gretchen Carlson nearly fainted on live television when she heard the news from a reporter on the scene. “What? What did you say? Unbelievable! We finally get a story right, and find out it was all a joke?! I’m going back to the Fox & Friends couch — I need some therapy.”
On the website, which is still the “scary” version (until Christmas), some changes were visible. The name was changed to “ObamaScare” and the smiling woman on the home page was replaced with an image of a Halloween witch, who just happened to look a lot like Gretchen Carlson.