[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Theory That Universe is Just a Hologram Really Messes with Peoples Heads

What if the universe is a hologram? We asked some stoners.

An article in the Huffington Post (science section, Dec. 12) titled ‘Is The Universe A Hologram? Physicists Say It’s Possible’ is causing queasiness amongst many in the world, especially those in a perpetual state of pot induced highness. Our intrepid reporter went on the scene to find the reactions to this revelation amongst space travelers of another sort.

Universe Is Just a Hologram“Wow, man, that is just too much!” stated James Harbrush, trying hard to focus his dilated eyes on the microphone I had before his face. “Is that thing a gerbil?”

Other people at the smoked-out campus condo on 10th Avenue in Boulder, Colorado had opinions too. “Jeez! That really creeps me out!” gasped Marissa Hendricks, simultaneously pushing Jerome Stewart’s hand away from her femininity as it groped its way up her mini-skirt. “If  the universe is a hologram, we could be just an illusion! That is almost as creepy as this jerk,” she said, this time shoving Stewart’s roving hand back into his face.

Tim was sitting on the floor holding his bushy head between his hands. “Whoa, I can’t handle this hologram shit! Maybe I don’t really exist. Maybe I am just a thought in someone else’s brain. This is getting me down. Give me another hit!” he finished reaching for the burning bud.

“This really cool!” said Donovan, his enthusiasm enhanced by his wide, blood shot eyes. “We really exist in another place and this body we have is just an illusion. That is way neat!”

Tim, having recovered a bit, chimed in, “So, if I don’t exist, then you all don’t exist either. Damn, this is scaring the crap out of me!” A few stray thoughts actually find their way into his brain: “Man! Who will I get my weed from?”

Meanwhile, Donovan was harmonizing with the new discovery, “We are all one! We are all one! Just a cosmic soul floating in the universe…at peace with everything…Personalities are an illusion. We are all just one giant soul…cool!”

“Shut up Donny! I don’t want to hear it!” whimpered Tim, curling up into a fetal ball in the corner.

“I know this ain’t no illusion, baby!” lechered Stewart, his hand finally finding the prize it had sought for the last two hours.

The interview tape ran out at this point as the interviewer was overcome by pot fumes at this moment and passed out, making him indistinguishable from half the other participants at the party.

Roger Freed