[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Post Office Ceasing Service in Several States

Due to low mail volume, the US Post Office is cutting back

The United States Post Office today announced plans to cut back, severely curtail, or not deliver mail at all to several US states due to a low volume of mail this past year.

TUSPS, Post Officehe states affected so far by this decision are Nebraska, Kansas, Montana and Wyoming. Utah, made the cut as well, not because of a low mail volume, but for the mere fact that Christmas is the busiest time of the year, and no Christmas packages are ever mailed by Mormons.

The formal announcement to each of these states’ postal customers individually will take place sometime in January, and the official closing of the non-producing post offices is scheduled to begin in February.

What about the people who actually still use the post office in these states? Well, said the US Postal Inspector, they can use one of the other services for their packages, and they can e-mail and phone everyone else.

While the original plan was to make the cutbacks to keep the post office out of bankruptcy, as the figures now stand, that won’t be until at least another dozen states go on the chopping block. In the meantime, you can rest assured that the USPS will deliver the same sub-standard services as in the past, just on a smaller scale.

P. Beckert