The Supreme Court Now Says It – Guns Are People

In a landmark ruling, the Supreme Court has declared that “Guns are people too.”

Building upon the infamous Citizens United decision that made corporations people, and thereby gave them unprecedented power and influence in America, gun lobbyists hope to accomplish the same with a new Supreme Court decision.

Supreme Court has declared that “Guns are people too.”

The first Supreme Court verdict changed corporations from dead, non-flesh entities to living Frankensteins, imbued with life and power from the government itself. The gun groups intend on making the ‘person’ gun an undefeatable instrument of death and destruction that is invincible not only in its steel strength, but also in its protection by the law.

Pushed forward by the gun industry through their sock puppet, the NRA, they managed to pull off a coup whereby guns now have all the rights of ordinary citizens. This now gives double voting power to any individual who owns a gun. As we all know, however, all true gun nuts have multiple firearms. This could give them as many voting rights as a devout Catholic Irish family with especially fertile women forbidden to use conception protection.

This could lead to many problems. Guns given the right to vote would keep the Trump family in the Presidency beyond Baron’s future children. Voting guns could sway the federal laws away from wanting to ban certain guns to requiring everyone to have one and in addition to that require them to register as Republicans. Guns, as people, could be voted into office and hold high positions like Cabinet members (who are like a bunch of loose cannons as it is). The biggest gun could eventually become the Top Gun and win the White House through carefully planned assassinations of Baron’s grandchildren.

It could become like Planet of the Apes except with guns instead of chimpanzees. Guns could force humans to play Russian roulette with each other like in the movie The Deer Hunter to cut down their population. The possibilities are endless.

People magazine is already planning to come out with a new magazine titled “Guns.” Playboy is coming out with “Playgun” complete with a pistol centerfold. NRA will require that guns be allowed into kindergartens. Firearms allowed to be shot during Fourth of July — horizontally.

What happens when it comes to the point that guns outlaw humans? Would the NRA step in to stop it?

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Roger Freed
rfreed has a fertile, if somewhat warped, imagination. Read him at your own risk! More laugh gaffes available at Semi-Humorous Humor.
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