Help Wanted: Sky Writer – Must Love Small Words

Help Wanted, Sky Writer

In my quest to find jobs in the airline industry without having an actual license to fly, here’s the latest…

No Dyslexics or latent Tourette’s please… the sky is PG!  And, sorry, we don’t have Spellcheck – you lazy…!

And, please don’t laugh; I spent minutes on this thing:

ASSIST NURSING BABIES WITH BREAST SEARCH & ALIGNMENT

SELL CONDOMS OUTSIDE LAVATORY FOR MILE HIGH CLUB!

Do you really need a photo of this?  ha ha

CLIP PASSENGERS HANGNAILS – since you can’t bring Grenades, Tuning Forks or Nail Clippers on board!

SYNCHRONIZE ‘IN SEAT’ AEROBICS – Ankle circles, Foot Pumps, Knee Lifts, Pelvic Thrusts – if the plane starts to nose-dive – STOP!

Free Passengers of busy-work:  PUSH BUTTON TO SIMULTANEOUSLY BRING ALL SEATS & TRAY TABLES TO AN UPRIGHT POSITION!

WRITE UP INSURANCE CLAIMS!

PROVIDE A ‘5 MINUTE GALLEY TALK’ with cross-legged passengers waiting in line for the John!

I am not running out of ideas!

NEGOTIATE ‘AISLE SEAT TRADES’ – only persons with Diplomatic License Plates, EMT’s or Divorce Lawyers qualify!

OPEN PEANUT BAGS FOR PASSENGERS without International incident!

And finally & not a moment too soon…

* EXIT SEAT OCCUPIER – Be able to Push open a 50 pound door, have clean underwear & scream ‘De Plane, De Plane’!  Oh, and don’t forget to turn off your cell phone!

* Full disclosure of this coveted position laid bare in my last “Humor Times Magazine” article:

“PREMATURE EVACUATION: Exit Seat Employment”

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Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands

Marilyn Sands is a former 80's Stand-Up Comic & Comic Booker. Sold Jokes to Joan Rivers & lesser lights. A Contributor to "Humor Times Magazine" while pitching her 2 Madcap Screenplays & a Stage Play about the 1st Off-Line Dating Site, 'Eden' where Adam & Eve get busy! Proud to announce her new book, "CAN YOU PEE OUTDOORS" On-Line Dating Straight Lines can be purchased now in Paperback & ebook on amazon.com/dp/1733487409 It's for anyone who's ever been Single! And, she says, "If this piece of literature happens to turn up in your John as Toilet Humor - so be it. Who am I kidding - with a Title like I have - I wouldn't be surprised"!