The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President Donald Trump

Wherein our intrepid talk radio host interviews House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President Donald Trump.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi by DonkeyHotey
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today my guests are House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and President Donald Trump.

JERRY

Good morning.

SPEAKER NANCY PELOSI

I pray for the president. He’s too unstable to govern.

PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP

I’m sending Crazy Nancy to a mental hospital near San Francisco, so she can be close to home.

Donald Trump by donkeyhotey
Donald Trump. Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

TRUMP

Unstable? I don’t think so. Just ask my boss.

JERRY

The American people?

TRUMP

Putin. It’s a joke, folks.

PELOSI

No. It’s not. There was a cover up. During the 2016 presidential race, there were 251 contacts with Russians on behalf of the Trump campaign. 34 people were indicted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller.

TRUMP

It’s a witch hunt.

PELOSI

Trump attorney Michael Cohen and Campaign Manager Paul Manafort are in prison.

TRUMP

Prison is a beautiful thing. All expenses are paid by taxpayers and there is no work. Like my life in the White House.

JERRY

The “I” word is being thrown around Congress.

TRUMP

(sarcastic) Impeach Trump. I need to be impeached.

PELOSI

We finally agree on something.

TRUMP

Fake news. No collusion. No obstruction. I’m a stable genius.

PELOSI

That’s a lie. Just like the time you said your hair is real, but we found out you had scalp reduction surgery. The only difference between Bozo the Clown and you is that Bozo has real hair on his head. And wears less makeup.

TRUMP

Speaking of fake. Your face has been tucked in more times than a bed sheet at the Holiday Inn.

PELOSI

You’re so fat, people jog around you for exercise.

JERRY

Get out the sandbox. Let’s talk about how we’re going to solve the nation’s problems.

PELOSI

We need infrastructure. Bridges and highways are crumbling. There are potholes in our streets. We need new sewers.

TRUMP

You shouldn’t listen to what sewer experts are saying, because sewers are full of crap.

JERRY

Trumpster. Life is like a sewer. You get out of it what you put into it. And sometimes it stinks.

TRUMP

Okay. 2 trillion dollars for infrastructure. That includes a wall on the southern border.

PELOSI

No wall. Congress gave you money for border security after your government shutdown “temper tantrum” in January. It cost the American taxpayer 11 billion dollars. If that wasn’t bad enough, Smokey Bear was furloughed.

JERRY

Hey, Madam Speaker. What do you call Smokey Bear’s mother who has no teeth?

PELOSI

Mother Teresa?

JERRY

A gummy bear.

TRUMP

Gotta go, Duncan. Have to present the Medal of Freedom to Senator Mitch McConnell. It’s the first time a turtle has been presented with such a high honor. I call it a shellabration.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.