[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Sean Hannity and Stephen Miller Feuding

Inside the Sean Hannity-Stephen Miller feud: A rivalry over spirit channeling.

It appears that there has been a growing rivalry between Sean Hannity and Stephen Miller. Oddly enough, the rivalry has nothing to do with their influence over President Trump. Their animosity developed when they both claimed to be channeling Friedrich Nietzsche.

Steven MillerIt all started when they discovered that about the same time, they found themselves going into a trance state and giving long monologues in German, a language which neither of them speaks.

Hannity claims that Nietzsche’s spirit guides him in ramping up Trump’s supporters with “creative” stories that glorify the President’s actions and conspiracy theories to explain any negative press. His staff reports he goes into this trance before each broadcast.

Miller insists he is a more worthy vehicle for Nietzsche’s spirit, because he helps create the philosophical rationale for the President’s policies, especially towards undesirable immigrants, whereas Hannity just reports on events.

Trump got very upset when he heard that their table pounding and name calling was attracting more attention than his own. He ordered that their trances be videoed, the German be translated into English, and a German scholar be hired to identify the channeled spirit or spirits.

It was discovered that neither was channeling Nietzsche. Fortunately, the German Scholar was very familiar with the speeches and writings of The Third Reich, and was able to recognize the monologues of each spirit.

It was determined that Hannity was channeling Joseph Goebbels, the Minister of Propaganda for the Third Reich.

Miller, on the other hand, has been channeling Heinrich Himmler, who he now claims provides him with inspiration on how to deal with “the influx of undesirables at our borders who are a threat to our nation.”

They both expressed a sense of relief to know that they now have an explanation for the recent paralysis that doesn’t allow them to bend their right arms.

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Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda

Diane de Anda is a third generation Latina and retired UCLA professor. Tired of cranking out technical articles in a "publish or perish" atmosphere, she now spends most of her time writing adult fiction, children's books, parody, and satire. Her weapon of choice is the limerick, aimed with humor and a touch of malice at society's icons, celebrities, politicians, and other irritating folk.