The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews First Ladies Melania Trump & Michelle Obama

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews First Ladies Melania Trump and Michelle Obama. 

MELANIA TRUMP

Live from under rock in backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. Is good day?

Melania Trump
Melania Trump, caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.

JERRY

Give me that microphone, you idiot. And no, the day sucks!

JERRY

My guests today are First Ladies Melania Trump and Michelle Obama. Hey, Michelle. You’ve put on a few pounds since you left the White House. What happened?

MICHELLE OBAMA

I realized junk food rules the day. You don’t think I really believed all that nonsense I said about healthy foods for kids. I love a juicy double double hamburger that I can down with a thick strawberry shake. Nachos that overflow with melted cheese. Chocolate bon bons that I inhale like M&M’s.

MELANIA

She play Ollie in Stan & Ollie movie. No?

MICHELLE

Burp. Excuse me. I just ate four eggs over easy and 10 slices of bacon for breakfast. I don’t need to hear your snide remark.

MELANIA

Don’t piss off. I slap so hard, even Google won’t find you.

JERRY

Melania. What’s it like living with Donald Trump?

MELANIA

He not what you think.

MICHELLE

He’s worse, girlfriend.

MELANIA

How you know?

MICHELLE

My husband has been insulted by him for five years. I’ll never forget when The Donald said Barack was born in Kenya.

MELANIA

I feel sorry for you husband. Donald always forget to take meds. He have mental problem. I worry he nuke California.

JERRY

How do you feel about the impeachment inquiry by the House? Does that worry you?

MELANIA

No. If husband get impeached, I make move on Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau. He sexy.

JERRY

Michelle, you’ve sold 8 million copies of your autobiography Becoming. What are you going to do with all that money?

MICHELLE

I don’t know, Duncan. Money isn’t everything.

JERRY

But it certainly keeps you in touch with your children. Right Sasha and Malia? Wherever you are.

MICHELLE

I have a question for the First Lady.

MELANIA

You a bully. I don’t like bully.

MICHELLE

Your husband is a bully. You’re a hypocrite.

MELANIA

No. You the hippopotamus.

JERRY

Who left the bag of idiots open? Both of you need to stop the war of words. Melania, tell me something about your youth.

MELANIA

I from Slovenia. Decide to be model in Europe then move to New York City. Marry Trumpster and bring parents here.

JERRY

Trump is against chain migration. What makes you the exception?

MELANIA

I beautiful.

JERRY

Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

JERRY

What’s your story Michelle?

MICHELLE

I grew up poor on the South Side of Chicago.

JERRY

(sings Jim Croce song Bad Bad Leroy Brown)

Is the baddest part of town

And if you go down there

You better just beware

Of a man named Leroy Brown.

MICHELLE

I knew gangstas like Leroy Brown. But they didn’t scare me. Despite not having money, I became a successful corporate attorney.

MELANIA

My husband have gangster name.

JERRY

What it it?

MELANIA

Donny small hands.

JERRY

Please continue, Michelle.

MICHELLE

I met Barack when he interned at my law firm in Chicago. It was perfect timing. I had just broken up with a guy who had a lazy eye. It turned out he was seeing someone on the side.

JERRY

Thank you, ladies. This was inspirational. Not. See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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