The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Giuliani Associates Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews indicted Giuliani associates Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are indicted Giuliani associates Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman.

Indicted Giuliani associates Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman
Indicted Giuliani associates Lev Parnas and Igor Fruman.

JERRY

Good morning, fellas. How’s Putin?

FRUMAN

Never heard of person. Give me clue.

JERRY

He invaded Ukraine.

PARNAS

What coincidence. We from there. Have comedy act named Pawn and Con. Putin? Not ring bell. Here is joke.

FRUMAN

I write it, Duncan.

PARNAS

You hear about Ukrainian who marry Amish woman?

JERRY

No.

PARNAS

He drive her buggy.

Parnas and Fruman laugh hysterically.

FRUMAN

Hi five, Con.

PARNAS

Good one, Pawn.

JERRY

Tell me about your Giuliani connection to the Ukraine scandal.

PARNAS

I just pimple on Giuliani ass. He pay me and Fruman to get damage on Trump political rival. Nothing happen.

JERRY

Not true. Ambassador Bill Taylor testified before the House Intelligence Committee that Donald Trump threatened to withhold military aid for the Ukraine if President Zelensky didn’t get dirt on Joe Biden and his son hunter.

FRUMAN

You know a hunter’s favorite game?

JERRY

No.

FRUMAN

Duck duck goose.

Parnas and Fruman laugh. The house lights dim and confetti falls on the set.

PARNAS

What happen?

FRUMAN

Is New Year’s Eve? No?

JERRY

(game show voice) You’re in the Cash Studio! Do you wanna play, fellas?

FRUMAN

I make money legally?

JERRY

The loot is tucked in my sock.

PARNAS

We go for it.

JERRY

Here’s how it works. You have five questions. The first three are worth $50 each, the last two questions are worth $100 each. If you get all five correct, there will be a $500 bonus.

JERRY

Let’s get started. First question, According to The Hill, what size dress does Senator Lindsey Graham wear?

PARNAS

I know answer. Size 18.

JERRY

(hesitates) Yes. 18 is the answer.

FRUMAN

How you know dat, Con?

PARNAS

I go shopping with him at Kohl’s.

JERRY

You have $50. Second question. How many times have you filed for bankruptcy?

FRUMAN

What state in U.S.?

PARNAS

Pawn. We flee Florida. Real estate fraud. Many companies.

FRUMAN

Don’t forget Fraud Guarantee and Global Energy Producers.

PARNAS

Does Mafia Rave nightclub in Ukraine count? I say seven.

JERRY

Is that your final answer?

FRUMAN

Yes.

JERRY

I’m sorry. It’s thirteen.

FRUMAN

Schmuck. You forget Europe.

PARNAS

What I thinking? Sorry, Pawn.

JERRY

One more question wrong and you two clowns go to prison. Third question. How do you spell Mississippi?

FRUMAN

Let me answer. You stupid man, Con.

PARNAS

Is place where first cousins marry?

JERRY

Yes.

FRUMAN

Missippi. M-I-S-F-I-T.

JERRY

Is that your final answer?

FRUMAN

Yes.

Jerry hesitates.

JERRY

No. You’re going to prison.

PARNAS

Miss date with Stormy Daniels.

FRUMAN

I won’t have Bar Mitzvah.

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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Dean Kaner

Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis.
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