Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews comedian and actor Eddie Murphy.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is comedian and actor Eddie Murphy.
JERRY
Good morning, Eddie.
EDDIE MURPHY
I’m Gumby, dammit!
JERRY
Should I call you Gumby?
MURPHY
No. I’m Buckwheat. O-tay?!
JERRY
Then I’ll call you Buckwheat.
MURPHY
I’m Mister Robinson! And my neighbors are racist boys and girls.
JERRY
I better alert Bellevue Mental Hospital. You’re certified crazy.
MURPHY
No. Sorry. I thought my girlfriend was cheating after I found a text on her phone this morning. Fortunately, she’s not. It’s still the same guy.
JERRY
You’re 58 years old. You have 10 kids from different wives and girlfriends.
MURPHY
Yeah. I’m not the poster boy for birth control. But I love them all.
JERRY
What’s their names?
MURPHY
That’s a gotcha question. Let me think. There’s Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe, Tinker, Dinker, Stinker, Tiggy, Ziggy and Shmo.
JERRY
(Game show announcer voice) You are correct, Eddie. You just won an all expense paid trip with your kids, ex-wives and girlfriends to Fantasy Island. Now you can ruin a kids happy moment over and over. They can hear yelling 24/7. Words like bum, cheater, more alimony, I got the house and where da women at. And don’t forget the scavenger hunt for little Tattoo, as he plays hide and seek. Ze plane! Ze plane! It will drive everyone crazy.
The studio door bursts open and Donald Trump enters.
DONALD TRUMP
Eddie Murphy said something nasty about my African American Bill Cosby on Saturday Night Live.
MURPHY
That’s right. I said, “Who is America’s dad now?” That old fool is in the slammer where you’ll be, Trumpster.
TRUMP
No collusion. No obstruction The perfect call. The perfect call.
MURPHY
You sound and look like my orange parrot. When that obese bird died, it was a real weight off my shoulder.
JERRY
You two knuckleheads have something in common. You’re both from New York City.
MURPHY
That’s a stretch, Duncan. My parents were po’ folks. Trump was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.
TRUMP
No. I wasn’t.
MURPHY
You were, Dawg. And now your foot’s in your mouth, too.
TRUMP
No wonder I have a hard time walking. No foot, no foot.
MURPHY
If you’re rich, prove it. Release your taxes.
TRUMP
I can’t. I’m under audit.
MURPHY
Trumpster. Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?
TRUMP
No clue.
MURPHY
For buttering up her clients.
TRUMP
Your joke sucked. But I always wanted to know. Last name is Murphy. Are you Irish?
MURPHY
I’m sick of all the Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish my bottle, I’m punching you.
TRUMP
Here’s a fact. God invented whisky to keep the Irish from ruling the world.
JERRY
16,000 lies in 4 years. How can we believe you?
TRUMP
If I say I’m lying, it can’t be a lie. You’re a loser, Duncan.
JERRY
The only thing wrong with me is I’m talking to you.
MURPHY
My man, I have to cut this interview short. I got a blind date. Her name is Stormy something.
JERRY
Daniels?
MURPHY
That’s it. Whoa Nelly. You mean?
JERRY
Trump’s porn star.
TRUMP
Don’t even know the woman. Fake news.
MURPHY
Hee hee hee.
JERRY
Ho ho ho. See you tomorrow everyone.
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