The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Comedian Eddie Murphy

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews comedian and actor Eddie Murphy.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is comedian and actor Eddie Murphy.

eddie murphyJERRY

Good morning, Eddie.

EDDIE MURPHY

I’m Gumby, dammit!

JERRY

Should I call you Gumby?

MURPHY

No. I’m Buckwheat. O-tay?!

JERRY

Then I’ll call  you Buckwheat.

MURPHY

I’m Mister Robinson! And my neighbors are racist boys and girls.

JERRY

I better alert Bellevue Mental Hospital. You’re certified crazy.

MURPHY

No. Sorry. I thought my girlfriend was cheating after I found a text on her phone this morning. Fortunately, she’s not. It’s still the same guy.

JERRY

You’re 58 years old. You have 10 kids from different wives and girlfriends.

MURPHY

Yeah. I’m not the poster boy for birth control. But I love them all.

JERRY

What’s their names?

MURPHY

That’s a gotcha question. Let me think. There’s Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe, Tinker, Dinker, Stinker, Tiggy, Ziggy and Shmo.

JERRY

(Game show announcer voice) You are correct, Eddie. You just won an all expense paid trip with your kids, ex-wives and girlfriends to Fantasy Island. Now you can ruin a kids happy moment over and over. They can hear yelling 24/7. Words like bum, cheater, more alimony, I got the house and where da women at. And don’t forget the scavenger hunt for little Tattoo, as he plays hide and seek. Ze plane! Ze plane! It will drive everyone crazy.

The studio door bursts open and Donald Trump enters.

DONALD TRUMP

Eddie Murphy said something nasty about my African American Bill Cosby on Saturday Night Live.

MURPHY

That’s right. I said, “Who is America’s dad now?” That old fool is in the slammer where you’ll be, Trumpster.

TRUMP

No collusion. No obstruction The perfect call. The perfect call.

MURPHY

You sound and look like my orange parrot. When that obese bird died, it was a real weight off my shoulder.

JERRY

You two knuckleheads have something in common. You’re both from New York City.

MURPHY

That’s a stretch, Duncan. My parents were po’ folks. Trump was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.

TRUMP

No. I wasn’t.

MURPHY

You were, Dawg. And now your foot’s in your mouth, too.

TRUMP

No wonder I have a hard time walking. No foot, no foot.

MURPHY

If you’re rich, prove it. Release your taxes.

TRUMP

I can’t. I’m under audit.

MURPHY

Trumpster. Why did the cannibal accountant get disciplined?

TRUMP

No clue.

MURPHY

For buttering up her clients.

TRUMP

Your joke sucked. But I always wanted to know. Last name is Murphy. Are you Irish?

MURPHY

I’m sick of all the Irish stereotypes. As soon as I finish my bottle, I’m punching you.

TRUMP

Here’s a fact. God invented whisky to keep the Irish from ruling the world.

JERRY

16,000 lies in 4 years. How can we believe you?

TRUMP

If I say I’m lying, it can’t be a lie. You’re a loser, Duncan.

JERRY

The only thing wrong with me is I’m talking to you.

MURPHY

My man, I have to cut this interview short. I got a blind date. Her name is Stormy something.

JERRY

Daniels?

MURPHY

That’s it. Whoa Nelly. You mean?

JERRY

Trump’s porn star.

TRUMP

Don’t even know the woman. Fake news.

MURPHY

Hee hee hee.

JERRY

Ho ho ho. See you tomorrow everyone.

Dean Kaner

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