[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

China Makes Possible New Military Base Out of Great Pacific Garbage Patch

Great Pacific Garbage Patch made into suspicious “theme park” by China.

China, always eager to better its position both economically and militarily in the world, has taken the Great Pacific Garbage Patch trash pile swirling about the currents of the Pacific Ocean and made an ‘amusement park’ out of it.

Great Pacific Garbage PatchStarting by netting all the floating debris together using fishing boats, then making it more buoyant using giant floating buoys, they then added light-weight, floatable concrete to it and eventually even soil, plants and small trees. They succeeded in making a floating island out of trash made that floating island into what some believe is actually a military base capable of landing long distance military places.

When questioned about their intent for this man made island, Chinese authorities insisted that its purposes were civil- that the island would be made into a giant theme park made available to all people. “We are going to put a giant roller coaster with a dinosaur section and a haunted house and all sorts of wonderful rides for people from all over the world to came and participate in.” stated Chinese Minister Of Screwing With Other Countries Wry Sun Of Gunn. “The best part of it is we can float up to other countries to make it easier for them to participate.”

The island, which they have now named “The Island of Peaceful Purpose,” has been worked into a round shape to keep some control of maneuverability to it. It has about a fifteen mile circumference with a seawall twelve feet high made of high density plastic reinforced by super strong aluminum girders to keep out high waves and roving submarinal eyes. It also contains a number of two story high buildings suspected by some of being barracks, repair shops and intelligence gathering facilities. Several three mile long airstrips dot the middle of the island.

Concerns have also been made of the proximity of this island to the United States and what its real intent is. West Coasters and Hawaiians are especially anxious as they are closest to this modern day Armada. Californians are concerned not so much from an attack on their state but from a loss of revenue if the ‘Oriental Theme Park’ is for real and draws revenue away from their world-renowned Disneyland and Universal Studios Parks. Hawaiians are worried that they could have a second Pearl Harbor attack roll right up to their door. “With the amount of man made garbage floating around in the sea they could make this island bigger than any of ours.”

U.S. military authorities are keeping a close watch on this development as our those of other Pacific Rim nations. ‘It is really worrisome.” mentioned the leader of Indonesia. “But then on the other hand it would be cool to have a floating entertainment park that can pull right up to your door!

On the other hand, President Duerte of the Philippines commented that “Isn’t it odd that their version of Pirates of the Caribbean has modern, long range cannons on the pirate ships instead of ones from the 1800’s?”

Roger Freed

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