[Disclaimer: This is a satirical news piece, just for fun, read at your own risk!]

Great Black Shark Union Files Discrimination Suit Against News Outlets

Discrimination suit filed on behalf of all overlooked shark species, says lawyer.

(Part of the continuing Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) series.)

At the onset of the worldwide tourist and vacation season, The International Brotherhood of Great Black Sharks has filed a discrimination suit against such international news outlets as CBS News, CNN, The New York Times, The London Times, MSNBC and SNN.

discrimination suit, Great Pink Shark
Discrimination suit filed on behalf of all overlooked shark species, even the much-maligned Great Pink, shown here modeling on the Pacific Runway.

The suit claims that over the past four decades the news media has given over abundant coverage to the rival Great White Shark while ignoring totally the Great Black Shark.

The union has hired the legendary Slobovian Social Injustice law firm of Monkey, Hipps and Rice to handle the case.

Firm spokesman and lead attorney Shoodooht N. Shoobydooh spoke at a recent news conference and summed up the case this way: “Over the past several decades, the international news media has run amuck covering the actions of the much publicized Great White Shark. There have been films, books, documentaries, exclusive news stories about The Great White Shark… all while our clients labor in a realm of the ignored.”

Miss Shoobydooh also stated that the lawsuit is inclusive of other shark brands such as The Great Orange, The Great Chartruese, The Great Mauve and The Great Texas Red Shark, none of whom get news coverage.

She stated that she also represents the much maligned and joked about Great Pink Shark, which recently has become the butt of crass jokes such as, “What does a Great Pink shark say when it grabs you in the water? ”Bitesy Witesy.”

She also stated that a law suit had been filed against the firm that books sharks for appearances. She stated that Great White Sharks get choice bookings into places like Cape Cod and Myrtle Beach, while Great Black Sharks only get into the wading pool at The Brooklyn Naval Yard and The Sea of Poontang.

The case will be heard in Slobovian Superior Court with Judge OooPooh Pah-Dooh presiding.

There is word that The Great White Shark Union is hiring the law firm of Shoopshoop, Shangalang and Jiggeyboppe to represent their interest and image, should they be subpoenaed for the upcoming trial.

Ted Holland

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