Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Bubba Wells, the Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.
ANNOUNCER
Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
JERRY
Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, indeed. My mother refuses to talk to me. Today on the show my guest is Bubba Wells, the Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.
JERRY
Hello Bubba.
MAYOR BUBBA WELLS
Just a minute. I’m going to cough into the phone. Maybe you’ll get the coronavirus.
JERRY
(sarcastic) That’s a good one. Must have taken you a month to come up with that brain fart.
JERRY
Having been mayor for 6 years, you must know everything about this town.
BUBBA
Yes, I do.
JERRY
Okay. What happens when you get 32 people from our Walmart in the lunchroom?
BUBBA
No clue.
JERRY
There’s a full set of teeth.
A parrot named Polly is heard squawking and talking.
POLLY
Bubba, you’re an idiot! I told you I wanted weed, not seed. How do you expect me to get through this interview?
JERRY
Bubba. Is that a parrot?
BUBBA
Yeah. Her name is Polly. Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
JERRY
Polly want a cracker?
POLLY
A cracker? It’s early, bro. Polly want coffee.
JERRY
Coffee, huh. You’re lucky I’m terrified of prison!
JERRY
Bubba. Tell me things I don’t now about Wasilla.
BUBBA
We host the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, have the lowest crime rate in Alaska and the Palin family is a sitcom in real time.
POLLY
You betcha. Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house. AAAWK!
JERRY
Bubba. What did you do when Track Palin hit his father Todd over the head with a beer bottle in a bar brawl?
BUBBA
Nothing. It was just a concussion. Todd was in a coma for maybe 3 days. Boys will be boys, Duncan.
JERRY
Spread the Palin love.
BUBBA
But there was a more serious incident.
JERRY
Tell me, Bub. I need ratings.
BUBBA
Two peanuts walked into the same bar. One was a salted.
JERRY
Now that’s a problem.
JERRY
Bubba. Isn’t your job to lead the City Council meetings? Enforce the laws for Wasilla? Protect peanuts?
POLLY
He has a more important job, Duncan.
JERRY
What?
POLLY
Bubba cleans up reindeer dung at Santa’s Workshop.
BUBBA
You got a big mouth!
POLLY
Don’t ruffle my feathers, bitch.
JERRY
A-ha, Bubba. You’re in the dung business. Do you know what one fly said to the other?
BUBBA
No.
JERRY
Is this stool taken?
POLLY
Funny boy. Funny boy. AAAWK!
BUBBA
Gotta get back to work. There’s a emergency. An eskimo just texted from her Igloo. She’s got water in her basement.
POLLY
Is that the same woman who never got married because she has cold feet? AAWK!
JERRY
See you tomorrow everyone.
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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner
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