Jerry Duncan Interviews Wasilla, AK Mayor

Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Bubba Wells, the Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

ANNOUNCER

Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY

Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, indeed. My mother refuses to talk to me. Today on the show my guest is Bubba Wells, the Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

JERRY

Hello Bubba.

MAYOR BUBBA WELLS

Just a minute. I’m going to cough into the phone. Maybe you’ll get the coronavirus.

JERRY

(sarcastic) That’s a good one. Must have taken you a month to come up with that brain fart.

JERRY

Having been mayor for 6 years, you must know everything about this town.

BUBBA

Yes, I do.

JERRY

Okay. What happens when you get 32 people from our Walmart in the lunchroom?

BUBBA

No clue.

JERRY

There’s a full set of teeth.

A parrot named Polly is heard squawking and talking.

POLLY

Bubba, you’re an idiot! I told you I wanted weed, not seed. How do you expect me to get through this interview?

JERRY

Bubba. Is that a parrot?

BUBBA

Yeah. Her name is Polly. Behind every angry woman stands a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.

JERRY

Polly want a cracker?

POLLY

A cracker? It’s early, bro. Polly want coffee.

JERRY

Coffee, huh. You’re lucky I’m terrified of prison!

JERRY

Bubba. Tell me things I don’t now about Wasilla.

BUBBA

We host the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, have the lowest crime rate in Alaska and the Palin family is a sitcom in real time.

POLLY

You betcha. Sarah Palin can see Russia from her house. AAAWK!

JERRY

Bubba. What did you do when Track Palin hit his father Todd over the head with a beer bottle in a bar brawl?

BUBBA

Nothing. It was just a concussion. Todd was in a coma for maybe 3 days. Boys will be boys, Duncan.

JERRY

Spread the Palin love.

BUBBA

But there was a more serious incident.

JERRY

Tell me, Bub. I need ratings.

BUBBA

Two peanuts walked into the same bar. One was a salted.

JERRY

Now that’s a problem.

JERRY

Bubba. Isn’t your job to lead the City Council meetings? Enforce the laws for Wasilla? Protect peanuts?

POLLY

He has a more important job, Duncan.

JERRY

What?

POLLY

Bubba cleans up reindeer dung at Santa’s Workshop.

BUBBA

You got a big mouth!

POLLY

Don’t ruffle my feathers, bitch.

JERRY

A-ha, Bubba. You’re in the dung business. Do you know what one fly said to the other?

BUBBA

No.

JERRY

Is this stool taken?

POLLY

Funny boy. Funny boy. AAAWK!

BUBBA

Gotta get back to work. There’s a emergency. An eskimo just texted from her Igloo. She’s got water in her basement.

POLLY

Is that the same woman who never got married because she has cold feet? AAWK!

JERRY

See you tomorrow everyone.

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The Jerry Duncan Show
(c) Dean B. Kaner

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Dean Kaner

Dean B. Kaner is a playwright and screenwriter, having co-produced and co-written plays for the stage with performances in New York City, Chicago, Minneapolis, Los Angeles, Boston, Detroit, Phoenix and Memphis. Check out The Jerry Duncan Show on YouTube, as well as on Instagram, and the sketch comedy A Bit of Biden (on Instagram) and at @abitofbiden on TikTok.